Bling Baby

I am beginning to think of Babies R Us (henceforth known as BRU) the same way I think of Target. As sort of a benign addiction. For the last three or four months of my pregnancy and the first few of Sophie's life, I was there on a weekly basis. I came to know the aisles and racks of clothes nearly as well as I know my own home. Especially during those early months of stay-at-home-momhood when I didn't know what to do with myself all day, I could always find a reason to get my BRU on.

However, in recent months, as I've found myself more and more occupied with other activities, I haven't been visiting nearly as often. And although I doubt their quarterly earnings have gone down, it certainly has had a positive impact on our checkbook. You see, much like that bastion of consumer debauchery know as Target, I have never gotten out of there for less than $50 and typically it is much more than that. Even when I go in with a very specific list, somehow I walk out with much more than I was supposed to. So when Neil emailed me a link for a travel tote for Sophie's car seat in anticipation of a trip later this month, I immediately jumped on the opportunity to visit my old stomping grounds to see if they carried it or something similar. I would like to say that my motives were pure, that my sole reason for going was to save us shipping charges, but the truth is that I was jonesing for a little BRU. But I promised myself that I would stick to the list...or at least a $50 cap.

We headed out after Sophie's morning nap. It's a fairly short drive, but it felt interminable. When I finally turned into the shopping center, I swear I heard a chorus of angels. Turning into my regular row in the parking lot, at first I was a little sad not to be parking in one of the expecting/new mom spaces up front. But that time has passed and although I feel a little nostalgia for those days, I don't want to be the jerk that parks there when I don't need to. As we unloaded from the car, I swear even Sophie seem to be excited for our little trip.

Passing through the oversize double doors, I got my first whiff of BRU in all its glory. Once in, we went up and down every aisle. Played with all of the toys, fondled all of the clothes, gawked at the pricey strollers and contemplated the different car seats. When a pregnant woman or couple walked by with their registry gun, I wanted to take them by the hand and tell them that they will never use three quarters of the stuff they get and then guide them item by item on what is useful and what is not. Tell them that after the shower, they should return half of the clothes and get the next size up or even two sizes up, because although it broke my heart, I packed away newborn and 3 month clothes that were never worn. But this advice would have fallen on deaf ears. I know because even I didn't listen to those who tried to steer my choices. I just thought "well, my baby will be different." But they were right, and now so am I, but I leave these hopeful folks to their dreams of little fingers and toes.

I found the particular item I had come for and was determined to make it out without buying any extraneous items or going over my $50 limit. I was nearly at the checkout when I spied the clearance clothing rack. Oh, clearance rack, how could I resist thee? With your 75% off signs and oh-so-cute little dresses. I am helpless when confronted with a bargain and will come up with a completely rational (at the time) argument for why this item should be purchased. In the end, I made it out with the travel tote, an outfit, a hat (yes, it says Bling Baby and no, Neil wouldn't let me take her out of the house in it) and a bath toy. For a grand total of $42 after using the 15% off coupon I had! Success! Then I remembered the other reason I was there was a gift certificate for a friend's baby's christening. Damn.

Oh BRU, you get me every time.

A Gnome For All Seasons

I have long wanted a garden gnome. How's that for a first sentence. Have I got you hooked? It is the absolute truth, though, however uncool. I look at them longingly in little old ladies' yards and don't even get me started on the traveling gnome. I think he is just about the cutest thing. Plus, who couldn't use a little gnome magic yard protection? I was always a little nervous about what my friends or neighbors would say, though. Would they think I was weird? Is it just too corny? But after much deliberation, I finally decided it was time to satisfy my yen for one of the little men.

As luck would have it, I was wandering through the clearance aisle for the outdoor stuff at my beloved Target when I came across this dignified fellow. Unbelievably, they wanted a mere $2.89 for him. Needless to say, I snatched him up before some other lucky gal caught sight of him. Smugly, I clutched him to my bosom for the long walk to the cashier. The whole drive home all I could think about was how excited I was to get my new friend comfortably positioned in his new home. Once there, I literally bounded out of my car in my enthusiasm, ran up to the front of the house and sat Toby (that's his name, it's short for Tobias) down in a place of honor in the front yard. I even had Neil bring Sophie out so we could admire him as a family. I admit, I worry a little that jealous neighbors might spirit him away, but that's a risk I'll have to take. I mean, really, look at that face. Those eyes, the beard, that toadstool. Just scrumptious.

Here he is next to his favorite bush. What, did you really think I would put a full size gnome in my yard? Not this time.

Don't count it out. I still might.

Slices of our Day

We're on the front porch. I'm sitting on the top step with my feet a few steps down with Sophie on my lap. I have my arms around her waist and she is resting her hands on my forearms. We watch the cars going past, each one with a woosh. It is a warm, sunny day, but we're underneath two huge oak trees so we are bathed in shade. A cool breeze is blowing. The branches move with the wind and a hundred thousand leaves whisper their contentment. I can see four men at the far side of the school fields that are across from our house, they are sitting in folding chairs underneath some large trees. I see them there most days and today, as always, I wonder what they are dong there. I lean down to kiss her cheek and say quietly in her ear that it is a beautiful day.

She is quiet and peaceful for a change. My sweet bean is a bundle of energy, rarely sitting still for more than a few moments. Holding her on my lap is typically more of a greased pig wrestle than a cozy mother-daughter moment. That makes this moment that much more special for it's rarity. I had commented this morning to Neil that she is getting so big, relatively speaking, of course, because she's still small by most standards. And right now I am acutely aware that not only is she getting bigger but more mature. In a nine month old sort of way.

It is these moments that I want to freeze. We have thousands of photos of all of the special moments in our daughter's life. Her first bath, birthdays, holidays, trips to see family or special outings with friends. But it is these quiet, unassuming and typically undocumented days that are the ones that I really want to remember. When I think back on this time, it will not be the big moments that cause nostalgia. No, it will be these tiny slices of our day to day reality that bring tears to my eyes.

Dr. Internet

For the past couple of weeks, or maybe longer, I'm pretty bad with time these days, I've been noticing an increasing pain in my wrist when I hold Sophie or pick her up. Each day I notice it a little more often and the pain seems to be a little more pronounced. Neil keeps telling me that I should go see a doctor, but I'm not entirely convinced that it is necessary.

I don't enjoy going to the doctor. Not that this is a great revelation, I don't believe that most people do. But my reasoning is less because it is a painful or uncomfortable experience and more because just about every time I go to the doctor for an ailment, they make me feel like I am wasting their time. I can never seem to convey my symptoms in a way that brings about the desired response of "Whew, you got here just in time! If you'd waited just one more day, we might have had to amputate. We need to get you to the hospital, STAT!" Usually it's me stammering my way through trying to explain why I am taking up their time while they look at their watch and then the door eager to get me out for that someone with a far more pressing ailment/injury in the waiting room. And with each question I become less eloquent until in the end I'm just a blubbering idiot on the verge of nervous tears.

I've tried different doctors. I don't think I have an inferiority complex when it comes to people in the medical profession. I respect them for their knowledge and the time and effort they put into schooling but, ultimately, they're just people. I am sure that the vast majority of doctors treat their patients with care and sensitivity, just not most of the ones I've been to. (Offensive sentence deleted.) Wait, could my doctor construe this as a bad attitude? If my doctor is reading this, I LOVE doctors! They are the coolest, smartest people around! Please don't put a black mark in my file.

So, since I am hesitant to visit the real doctor, I decided to pay a visit to Dr. Internet first. I did a Google search for "wrist pain holding baby" and came up with a surprisingly thorough response. There was an article from the NY Times that described women who had symptoms and situations so similar to mine that for our purposes, we'll just say the article was about me. It described a condition called DeQuervain's Tendonitis that is sometimes called "new mom's syndrome." Well, hello, that's me! So off I went on a quest for more information. And I found it. A lot of it. According to the American Society for Surgery of the Hand (ASSH, for those in the know), DeQuervain's Tendonitis is described as a "condition brought on by irritation or inflammation of the wrist tendons at the base of the thumb." Basically, I've been picking up and holding my little bean the wrong way. The treatment is to wear a brace (which I have from an old injury), take anti-inflammatory pain killers (which I also have) and to not do the things that caused the problem in the first place. Done and done.

Who needs a doctor*? I've got the internet.

*Disclaimer - Yes, I know the internet is no substitute for real medical advice and if my condition doesn't clear up pretty quickly I will get myself to a doctor. Okay, mom?

Independence Day

I put her down in the living room to log some miles crawling on the hardwood floors, as opposed to the usual carpet. Supposedly this will inspire her to walk because the hard surface will be less comfortable for her. She is wearing shoes today, a rare occurrence, but she needs to get used to them because it will be tough getting service without them. I open the front door, so the light will come in to brighten up the room and then I leave her alone for a few minutes while I tinker in the kitchen. When I return, she is sitting like this.

Peaceful, she contemplates the outside world from this new vantage point. It seems it has only been a few weeks that she could get around so successfully and fewer still that she has been able to raise herself to a sitting position, yet here she is as though she had always been doing it. My little girl, finding her way, stretching the limits of her newfound independence.

Baby Steps

Watching my child and her determination to stand has been such an inspiring experience for me. She grabs hold of whatever is at hand, using her little arms to pull herself up, wriggling her legs underneath her just so and then she pops up. Sometimes it is awkward and shaky and sometimes she has the fluidity of motion that is only evident in the more experienced. Regardless, I clap every time she reaches the full standing position because I want her to know how proud I am of her accomplishment. But I also clap because she makes me so happy. Her smiles are my drug. And I am totally hooked.

Unfortunately, this determination brought about it's first bloodshed yesterday. Ironically, she did not fall on any of the surfaces that I feared would cause her trouble. It happened as I sat cross-legged and she was climbing on my legs, pulling herself up as she is wont to do. Just as she reached full standing position, her legs gave out on her and she toppled. On her way down, she hit her lip on my knee. Although it didn't feel terribly hard, it was enough to cause her teeth to cut into her lip. It was the first time I have seen blood coming out of my child, other than in a controlled fashion, like at the doctor's office. It was awful. Beyond awful, because I felt like it was my fault.

I immediately scooped her up and burrowed my face in the crook of her neck whispering I love you and it's okay while I carried her to the sofa. I gently laid her down so I could get a good look at her lip. A thorough inspection showed that although it was still bleeding, it was not serious. There were no tears. She was so calm. Far more so than I. As Neil hovered, the worried papa, I gave her a little Eskimo nose kiss. She smiled, as she always does, and I knew we were okay.

I have watched her pull herself up dozens of times. Almost every one of those times, she has fallen down. Sometimes softly onto her bottom, but lots of times with a thud and a roll. She has bruises all over her body from her efforts. There is a big part of me that wants to hold her up and catch her when she falls. But there is another part of me that knows that I can't do this. That doing this will be a disservice to her. She needs to learn how to pull herself up and she needs to learn how to fall right or not to fall at all. And she needs to learn how to stand on her own. All I can do is clap.

Sleep, Beautiful Sleep

Alert the media: Sophie let me sleep until 7:15 this morning. She went to bad at 6:15 last night and only woke up once at 3am. I feel like I just got back from a week long vacation followed by a day at the spa. Amazing what eight (mostly) uninterrupted hours will do for a person. The dark circles under my eyes have faded some and the twitch in my left eye has calmed down to only a minor annoyance.

I expect this will NEVER happen again.