Thursday, August 5, 2010

Doubts

Toddlerhood is frustrating. Not that that's a news flash or anything, but some days it just hits me over the head. She is opinionated and stubborn and almost completely incapable of clearly communicating what she wants. There are phrases and words that I understand, but for the most part, it's like she's speaking Russian. Maybe I should take her to a medium and make sure we're not harboring the reincarnation of Catherine the Great. I know everyone is always famous or royal, but as imperious as this kid is, she must have been someone who was not used to hearing no.

When she speaks, and it is often and loudly, it is with such conviction and passion. She waves her hands around as she talks. But it's mostly gibberish. I try so hard to understand. I look around, try to find whatever it is. Sometimes if I can figure out the right context, I can decipher a word or two. And when I do, it's pretty much the most amazing thing ever. Because this little person that I am raising, the one that seems to be little more than a semi-tamed animal most of the time, is becoming a person. A talking, thinking, (somewhat) rational being.

In my current occupation, I don't get raises or bonuses or promotions. The only outward evidence of my success is the health and happiness of my child. There are days where I worry that I'm doing it all wrong. When I yell too much or we watch too much TV or don't even look at a vegetable, and I feel the weight of this task. I worry that I don't spend enough time reading to her, that her lack of speech is due to my failure to provide her the right educational activities. I feel overwhelmed and unprepared and unqualified.

But then she looks up at me, an enormous smile on her face, and says "tank yoo, mahnee" and I realize that we're alright.

16 comments:

  1. Awe! That ended so sweet! And you know what? I still feel unprepared and overwhelmed and mine are all teens. I think that's normal. (at least...I hope...LOL!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Some days, when the sun, the moon and all the stars are in alignment, I feel like I have this motherhood thing down to a science.

    Those days happen about once a month, tops.

    The other 353 days, I feel exactly like this post.

    (ps. I saw Ryan Marshall from Pacing the Panic Room is coming to NYC for BlogHer '10. I hope you get to meet him! Have you ever read his blog? He is awesome! Have FUN!)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Being a parent is so unbelievably hard and rewarding at the same time. It is so confusing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The communication process between parent and child is not eased with the passage of time. Oh, they DO grow to learn to use and understand our language, but we, as parents, seem to have forgotten how to speak to them in terms they understand.

    Research now shows there are major differences between the toddler brain and the teenage brain - and the teenage brain and the adult brain. What the research does not yet expand upon is how and why we forget so much as we transition from one 'brain' to another.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sweet! I was lucky to be living at home when I had my daughter because I have a nephew the same age. So when it came to communication, if I didn't understand what one of them was saying, the other would come to the rescue.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love it...you're so right! Without us, they'd be grunting animals (like they were a few months ago)! Mine just started remembering things, so we can no longer say, "we'll go to the pool after naps" expecting that idea to disappear during nap time. They're remembering!!! Good bye empty promises!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Fursterating (but I must admit, cute!). I'm sure it won't be too long before you long for the days when you *didn't* understand her!

    ReplyDelete
  8. this is a great post. I think you have to recognize that you are doing it right because she is healthy and happy and becoming a "little person"

    ReplyDelete
  9. This post hits close to home for me. I (we) had a rough week so far. All week I frantically move about the house. One minute cleaning, the next playing with Christopher, then quickly switching over to reading Lily a book. Its like I have SAHM ADHD. I feel pulled in so many directions, wanting to be everything to everyone. There is alot being asked of moms, especially ones that are with their kids full time. Everything our kids learn comes from us. We can't say "Oh, she learned that at school today". Its ALL us. Lately Ryan has been asking me to feed CRW more veggies. Sigh. I add this to my "guilt list". But then I realize, like you, that we aren't doing all that bad of a job. In fact, we rock!

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are doing way more than ALRIGHT!

    Get your BlogHer bootie over the bar now and toast to moms of toddlers everywhere!

    ReplyDelete
  11. So sweet! Toddlerhood is definitely the boot camp of motherhood.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Parenting is such a guessing game. I struggle with comparing myself to other parents. All that does it convince me how much I don't measure up. You are Sopie's mom and that's who you are meant to be. Mistakes and all. It's such a trial and error process.

    ReplyDelete
  13. awwww.. that was sweet. I have learned in my wise 8 years of being a parent, that I will never feel like I'm getting it just right. It's a work in progress, always!!! it sounds to me like you are doing a fantastic job!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Loved this post.

    My goal in life is that I only need to pay for one year of therapy for my girls to get passed all my screw-ups! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  15. More than alright, I'd say.

    ReplyDelete
  16. It is indeed so hard. Thank goodness they through us nuggets like "tank yoo, mahnee," every once in a while or we might just go nuts. Or eat M&Ms by the bagful ... Oh, wait, I do that anyway ...

    ReplyDelete

Give me some sugar, baby!