I know that all children are different. They have different interests and skills. Different temperaments. And that's cool. What kind of world would it be where all kids were the same? Most days I love that I have the energetic, frenetic kid. Believe me when I say that there are NO dull moments with her around.
But some days, I wouldn't mind having a kid who sat and colored for, oh say, 10 minutes. Or who could focus on any of the umpteen million crafty projects I have put together for her for more than 42 seconds. I spent $40 and a half an hour setting up a craft project for her today that I was POSITIVE would net me at least a few minutes of quiet. Nope.
Pretty much the only way I can get some time to myself is if I turn on the tv. And I really don't like doing that too much. Don't get me wrong, we're not anti-tv around here, I just don't want to spend too much time with it on. Even that isn't much of a fix. At best it gets me a few minutes and then she is climbing all over me again.
I just don't know what to do. How to encourage her to self-entertain better so that I don't have to spend every minute of my day playing with her. My house is a disaster and I'm getting burnt out.
My husband chides me when I call taking care of our daughter work, but the fact is, it IS work. And frankly, it's hard work. But it makes me wonder, are my expectations too high for a nearly three year old or am I just lazy?
Thursday, September 9, 2010
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You are NOT lazy. It is exhausting trying to entertain a child that age...have you thought about preschool? Or a mommy-day-out program? Even to have two hours to yourself while she is entertained by someone different would be worth it. And it does NOT make you a bad mom; just a normal one :)
ReplyDeleteFor the record, Gabe did not sit down from the age of two until the age of four. He had two speeds: full throttle and asleep. Then a switch was thrown when he celebrated that fourth year, and all of a sudden he would sit and do Legos for hours. I'm pretty sure I heard the angels singing a Hallelujah chorus that day.
Good luck with the Bean. And maybe you and the hubs could switch places for a week, and he could see what real work is. Just sayin'.
Um, it's totally exhausting and frustrating to care for young children, even if they are of your own flesh! You are not lazy at all. Sure, being a SAHM can be great and we all love our kids and etc., but it is a job too and one that I always feel like I'm doing in the messiest, most cluttered office ever. I don't think wishing that the Bean would do something independently for at least ten minutes is too much to ask. If television gives you a little break to restore yourself, so be it. In fact, buy the Letter Factory dvd and call it "educational time." Seriously, that's how Bub learned his letters. I'm digressing though. I agree with Heather that you might consider looking into some kind of drop-off pre preschool situation or maybe more Grandma time?
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
Girl, I am so there with you. It is work and don't let anyone tell you any different. It's physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. Crafts have never worked with Emily. She would just destroy whatever I put in front of her.
ReplyDeleteSoon enough she will be in preschool and you will be wondering what to do with all your time. I promise.
Your daughter sounds a lot like my son at that age. Just energy. En.er.gy. And it's exhausting, but I also don't think kids need their parents in their faces all the time.
ReplyDeleteLarge motor stuff burns a ton of energy. Does she have a trike? (and if not, do you want one?) Rollerskates? One of those balls you sit on and bounce? Those things really saved my sanity when J was 3, because they tired him out just enough that he'd sit and color afterwards.
And I agree about preschool. Even if it's only a couple of days a week.
I'm going with Heather et al - Preschool. Just a couple hours a week. She'll burn off energy AND she'll learn to chill out when asked.
ReplyDeleteAnother idea - what about setting a timer and saying "Ok... we're going to read our books for 5 minutes. You sit right here, and I'll sit right here. And in 10 minutes if you stay sitting and look at your books, we'll (fill in the blank with something she likes)" then work your way to 7 minutes... then 10.....
Cara, its gotta get better as she rounds the 3 year old corner, right? It is alot of work. Neil should know that! Its a joy and alot of work. period. Maybe you should invest in a trampoline.... something to wear her butt out!
ReplyDeleteYou are not lazy! I like Lizzy's idea about the timer ... my 3 year old behaves well with timers for us. Also, I try to let her play outside everyday, and the sun seems to help wear her down a bit too, lol.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, hang in there, maybe think about a Mother's Day Out program?
Cara, I know exactly what you mean!!! Z doesn't sit still for even 60 seconds let alone several minutes in a row. Maybe we need to get Bean and Z together for more playdates. Maybe they will wear each other out! We can dream, right? Of course motherhood is W-O-R-K! If it wasn't work then we could just tote the kids to a day job and the kids would just sit in the corner behaving while we earned income. In fact, why not have Bean go on a take-your-daughter-to-work day with Neil? :)
ReplyDelete~Heidi Payne
Oh, and if you do find Mary Poppins, then send her my way when you're done.
ReplyDelete~Heidi Payne
Cara, hang in there! It is work, and, I don't care what they say, the husbands just have no idea...we are all right there with you. Know you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI use a sitter/mother's helper to entertain when I know I need to get stuff done around the house...let me know if you need a reference, I'm more than willing to share. Gymboree is also a great resource for energy burning, especially in the winter!
Bridget
I don't care what anyone tells you, being a stay-at-home mother is harder WORK than anything you'll ever do anywhere else. By FAR. I did it for about six months and I wanted to go back to work to get a break. Seriously. It's HARD. Having expectations is good -- helping her meet them is GREAT. I'm still waiting for some things to happen with my five-year-old! Hang in there, Cara. You're doing great!
ReplyDeleteThis is the most frustrating thing about kids ever! I look at my 3, and by 3pm I am done. All I can do it lay on the couch. How do they have SO much energy?
ReplyDeleteYou already know the answer. TV. You said it. My kids watched a lot of educational yet fun tv. Which is probably why they were reading at 3 and 4.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with letting them have a favorite dvd. Go for it. Make yourself a cup of tea and sit there and enjoy her learning. You've earned some you time.
it is work. taking care of children is the hardest job. EVER.
ReplyDeletesend her my way as i die on the couch.... I'm sick and trying to entertain a 22 month old...ick
ReplyDeleteBoy, is it work. Hard work. Will she do quiet time in her room? Maybe pick a time, like start with 15 minutes, and tell her she's going to have some super-fun play time with her toys all by herself? It might be rough for a few days, but she'll probably get the hang of it. And you could gradually increase the time.
ReplyDeleteOr there's preschool. =>
I'm so tired of my just turned three year old crawling all over me and my nine months belly. On top of it, she seems to be giving up the nap. I'm so not good at the "playing with" and so am always trying to push the crafts, too. Seems more productive to me than holding a princess and having her say "Oh, hi, Princess!" over and over for a half hour. N. has gotten into games a little bit lately. Sometimes I really just tune the kids out and let them whomp on each other, because otherwise I'm too cranky to do anything but yell. I feel pretty darn lazy a lot of days when I realize how little time I've actually engaged with them, but then I write down the things I DO do, and it helps a little.
ReplyDeleteAlexis didn't start being really good at playing by herself until she was about four and really started to find make believe play to be fun. She'll sit with Barbies or her dollhouse for hours now, but at 3 1/2? NOT A CHANCE. She still doesn't do anything organized for her, like crafts and such. Just make believe.
ReplyDeleteHopefully it comes with time!
OMG...it's SO hard!!! I give you credit and can be honest by saying that I'm scared that I'm going to have to occupy two of them in a year! YIKES!!!
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like you're doing everything right and you just have a very active little girl. I have to agree with Stacia - you may want to consider preschool (maybe two days a week?) to get you some quiet time and get her involved in an environment where it's *required* at least try to stay with the group and finish tasks. She'll grow into all of that on her own, but preschool would offer a more fun introduction to the world of "have to."
ReplyDeleteAxel's the same way about TV. In the long run, that's a good thing - I don't want a couch potato kid - but it is a little frustrating when I just want 15 minutes to get something ready to put in the oven. The only things that get me much time are letting him play in the sink or in the water table or dig outside - all super messy things, and things that are still pretty heavy on supervision. He is not trustworthy with art projects (crayons on walls, etc.).
ReplyDeleteA few of the churches around here sponsor low-cost Mothers' Day Outs one or two days a week - if preschool isn't an option, perhaps one morning at a Mothers' Day Out would work.