Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Watching

If you are watching your weight now, you will be watching it for the rest of your life. 

The leader of one of the first Weight Watcher's meetings I went to said this. Maybe all WW group leaders say this at some point, I don't know. At the time, I heard it, but I was too busy taking in my surroundings for it to really register. In the weeks since then, it has marinated in my brain. I have said the words out loud to myself on a number of occasions driving in my car or looking in the full length mirror in our bedroom. I have rolled them over in my head a hundred times. Dissecting each word.

When it finally sank in, its simple profundity took my breath away. The fact is that without voicing it or ever really even thinking about it, I had fully expected that once I lost the weight, I could go back to my carefree life. I could eat whole pizzas and super size Big Mac meals. Drink Dr Pepper by the gallon. And when I realized that this really did have to be a lifestyle change, that I could NEVER do that again, that is, if I wanted to not weigh 200 pounds, it was the quintessential come to Jesus moment.

But for this instant gratification junkie, the real surprise is that the last eight weeks haven't actually been that hard. In fact, easier than I ever expected. I think the divorce from McDonalds has been harder on my child than me. We drive by almost every day. She will look upon those golden arches longingly and say "freeeench fries." At first it was with expectant suggestion and then enthusiastic hope and now it is mostly in sad remembrance, tasting the salty words in lieu of the actual thing.

But that meeting leader's words were rolling around again in my head tonight as I tried on pair after pair of pre-baby pants and they were fitting. Not just fitting, as in I could get them on but I would never leave the house in them because they were really too tight, but FITTING, like my regular pants are just too big now and these smaller ones are the ones I should be wearing. Anyone who has ever struggled with their weight, and how many of us haven't at one point or another, can appreciate the jubilation of fitting into the next size down.

I am the lightest I have been since before Sophie. I am looking in the mirror and not cringing. In fact, some days, I actually even think I look good. I'm a long way from skinny. In fact, I was this size when a former friend told me REPEATEDLY that I was a BIG girl. So I'm not letting this go too much to my head, but I am trying to revel in my success just enough to keep me motivated to push on further.

My goals when I began this journey were modest. But now I'm starting to think bigger. Or smaller, as the case may be. And I will meet them.

10 comments:

  1. That's so awesome of you. Congrats! I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. It's awful, really. I am not dedicated and although I know W is the best and and healthiest way to lose weight, I too often cheat. So now I'm yet again doing a miserable carb-free diet. I hate this battle! I have to remember the feeling of feeling into the next size DOWN and not up, to stay motivated.

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  2. Cara I am beyond happy for you! I was smiling the entire time I read this post and by the end, I had a little tear brimming up. It is so exciting, isn't it? Keep it up, I can't wait to see you this time next year!!!

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  3. I am so excited for you, Cara! That is awesome! Prebaby clothes that fit are the best!

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  4. I know...I am never here anymore. But, I promise that I always read.

    However this post deserved a comment - massive accolades - perhaps even a huzzah! Many congrats - and I am going to now make those words of wisdom part of my life, too :-)

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  5. :D I am so happy for you. I think you were beautiful before, but I know what it is to want to be that "pre baby" size.

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  6. Congrats! It's most definitely something to be proud of!

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  7. Woot Woot! Congratulations! I am so happy for you and inspired by you. I'm just starting my weight loss journey and am really trying to make it a reasonable type thing that I can maintain for the long haul (with some cheating here and there, of course).

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  8. I thought you looked great last week when I nearly killed you on the treadmill! (Still feel bad about that...)

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  9. Divorcing McDonald's is an excellent idea. I'm sort of glad that a year in Romania will force us to forget fast food. What we will eat instead, I'm not exactly sure, but it's got to be better than trans-fatty fattiness. And? I packed my pre-baby clothes for Romania ... in hopes they'll fit before the year is over. Thank you for this post. It's nice to know there's hope and someone is on this train with me! =>

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  10. Way to go!

    *Frennnnnch friiiiiiies...*

    Ow! Jillian Michaels is in an ad on your sidebar, and she just slapped me upside the head.

    Bet you are looking and feeling great!

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Give me some sugar, baby!