Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Yet Another Reason I'm Going To Hell

We here in the land of Bean are not religious folk. In fact, saying we are not religious is overstating the issue. On any given day our opinions on the topic range from apathy to confusion and occasionally anger.  I was not raised in a religious home. I was not baptized and I can count the number of times I have attended church for anything other than a wedding or funeral on one hand. And most of those were during my exploratory youth. Some kids tried drugs, I tried religion. It didn't stick.

Which is why it surprised me that I even considered the idea when Katie suggested sending Sophie to the same Vacation Bible School that Christopher was set to attend. My first reaction, not surprisingly, was a very unladylike snort. I never went to VBS as a kid and if I'd ever been asked, I would have said I had ZERO plans to send my child to it, either. But when she said that it ran from Monday to Friday, 9-12am, and cost a mere $25, suddenly it didn't seem so outrageous. In fact, I'm fairly certain my eyes glazed over as I considered all of the things I could do in those hours.

So with more than a few rationalizations, I got on the website and signed her up.

When the first day rolled around, I nervously walked in to the church. Fears of lightening striking, or at the very least, some hard stares from all of the godly church folk when they noticed a heathen in their midst. But to my surprise, they were welcoming and kind, and I quickly found myself chatting with other moms during dropoff and enjoying the special VBS music that blasted over the church's kickin' sound system. By the end of the week, Sophie and I were belting out to Jesus with the best of them. I'm not gonna lie, we've even listened to the VBS CD on a few* occasions since.

And those hours to myself. Sweet, delicious, precious time. The first day, I came home and just sat on the sofa for an hour before I did anything. Just sat there. Not reading. Not on the phone. Not playing on my phone. The second and third days, I came home and took a nap. On the fourth day, I went shopping. On the fifth day, I was lounging around at about 10:30 when it hit me how completely I had wasted a precious opportunity to really indulge myself. Why hadn't I gone for a pedicure, or to get my eyebrows done, or for a much needed massage? The answer is that I honestly didn't think of it. The glut of ME time overwhelmed my brain's processing functions. If only I'd had a few more days...

It was then that I began evolving a plan for next summer. Every church in the area has a VBS, if the signs that line the streets in front are any indication. And since there doesn't seem to be any requirement to be a member of the church, would it be so bad if we just went from church to church attending vacation bible school after vacation bible school ALL SUMMER LONG? I know. It's ingenious.

I am a terrible, terrible person.

*MANY. Those songs are just so catchy! 

Lest even one person think I am serious. I AM NOT. I have no plans to send my daughter to every VBS in the area, tempting though the idea is. However, now that we've got our foot in the door at this one, you better believe we'll be going back next summer. VBS! VBS! VBS!


  1. Oh, you sinner, you. All of which makes you, even and ever more, my kind of woman. :)

  2. My kids went to FOUR VBS's this summer. YES. THEY. DID.

  3. Ha! I love it. You are a genious!

  4. My mom sent me to EVERY VBS in down when I was little. Lutheran, Baptist, Episcopal, Methodist... I did them all and she had the free time to prove it!!!

  5. Yeah, we went to a lot of VBS's (?) each summer. But, I only sent my kids to three each summer. The women and volunteers at VBS know for a fact that people bring their kids so they can have a break. That is the blessing of these very special people.

  6. I have a friend of mine (an awesome parent) who sent her kid to every VBS in the area...why not? It's awesome and usually cheap!

  7. Have I told you this story? I took my daughter to get her hair cut a while back, and she was fingering the hair-dye samples while I got my brows done first. She pointed to a purplish one and said that's what she wanted. The hairdresser asked why she would want to change her own beautiful hair color, "the one God gave her." My kid looked right at her and said, "Who's God? I got this hair from my mommy." Mort.i.fi.ca.tion. So, I'll see you in hell.

  8. Shit, I would! lol! No, seriously.

    LIghtening follows us to church as well. :o)

    p.s. your comment on the beer in the fridge that you left me had me rollllling. LOL!

    Okay, seems only appropriate to end this with an AMEN.

  9. That is so funny!!
    One of the moms in my MOPS group teaches the VBS at her church. We were all handled a leaflet with the dates and times, and I told her she was lucky that my son wasn't officially 3 years old yet, therefore a few weeks too young to join the fun. He's such a maniac of a little boy these days, and I don't attend church either. She just smiled warmly back at me.

  10. I went to VBS's as a kid, but never for our own church. Catholics, I guess, don't do VBS but prefer the kids to go to classes. Some fun. Anyway, gluing macaroni onto pictures of doves or making dream catchers didn't scar me for life. Catholic School? Well, that's a different story.

  11. The ONLY church I got during my childhood was the local Nazarene church's VBS every July. I remember it as a great experience with friends and cookies and punch. I'm sure they squeezed in a few Bible stories, as well, but mostly they surrounded the kids with love and attention.

    And gave my mom a break.

  12. Catholic Churches don't seem to have VBS so my first exposure was when I was doing a volunteer program one summer. One of my jobs was helping out at VBS. As a college student, I had NO IDEA how thrilled those moms must have been to be dropping their little ones off. I smile just thinking of you enjoying that first hour home alone! Hope Bean's first day of school was good.

  13. Heh! I don't think you're alone in the musical-VBS plan to get some alone time in the summer.


  14. I can't believe I've never heard of VBS but you can bet I'll be looking in my area next year. This is brilliant!


Give me some sugar, baby!