Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Lindsay Wagner Lied

Not long before I got pregnant with the Bean, Neil decided that he had had enough of inner spring mattresses and that the only solution for his self-diagnosed bad back was a sleep number bed. I wasn't super keen on this idea because it meant getting rid of the fairly expensive (and quite comfortable) mattress that I had purchased only a couple of years previous but I'm all about keeping my man happy so off we went to the Select Comfort store.

When you go into these stores, they invite you to lay down on the beds and try out their amazing comfortableness. There is a range of pillow tops that increase the price exponentially as they get thicker. After trying them all out and realizing that if we bought the thickest one we wouldn't be eating for a couple of months, we opted for the next to thickest of the bunch. We scheduled delivery and went home happily awaiting the arrival of the miracle bed that was going to solve every sleep problem we've ever had, per Lindsay Wagner's testimonials.

A couple of weeks later, they deliver the new bed and we get about the business of finding our "number." What I don't think I understood in the store or from their advertisements is that these beds are basically just glorified (and ridiculously expensive) air mattresses that you control how full of air they are. So really its not that they get softer so much as deflate and you just sink in more. Over the next several months, I tried every night to find a number between 0 and 100 (in increments of 5) that would suit me and although I never found one that really made me happy, I wasn't miserable.

Then I got pregnant.

It should be noted that from about 6 months on, complete strangers would ask me if I was having twins. As if pregnant women aren't freaked out enough about their bodies, I had to be the Incredible Expanding Woman. So, I recognize that there is the possibility that due to my BELLY, I wouldn't have been comfortable anywhere.

I spent my entire pregnancy still trying to find my number, changing it pretty much every night. I contemplated sleeping in the guest room but I just couldn't bring myself to be away from Neil, that and the fact that according to the commercials, like 99.9% of people report improved sleep from these beds. Clearly I was doing something wrong, because they even tout it as great for pregnant women. Never let it be said I backed down from a challenge, so I persevered. Finally I had the baby and after getting past the initial painful time, the bed became more tolerable for me. I vacillated between a smaller range and was generally okay. Neil has kept his side in the mid range so our two sides were pretty similar.

However, he recently decided that he needs to be in the very soft range which means that he is deeply sunk into the bed when lying down, so much so that if I venture close to his side I, too, will fall into the valley. When he is still in bed with me, it isn't so bad. However, in the morning after he's left for work and I lay down for my morning nap (what, doesn't everyone take a morning nap?), I love to plop myself in the middle and spread out but I can't do this now because
I will fall into the chasm that is his side.

All I can say is that the bionic woman clearly had some sort of advantage over me because this is no wonder bed for me.

17 comments:

  1. You are the first friends (that I'm aware of) that have one. I hear their ads all the time. I always thought they were for old people :) Wait a minute...we're becoming that demographic!

    Real estate is sometimes tough to come by in our bed...particularly because one of our cats is always trying to buddy-up to our face, feet, what have you. I would hate being limited to a particular patch of bed (although I pretty much take up the same foot print from day to day).

    We used an air mattress before and I remember the tossing/turning associated with either Sara or I moving. Most of the time, we ended up both rolling to the center of the bed. I was forced to sleep with one leg hanging off the side to avoid it. Not fun.

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG that bed sounds like a nightmare! The idea of rolling to the other side and falling into a chasm = not good! I hope you can find some way to make it wrk for you. Stupid Bionic Woman!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Perhaps it was magic for another reason... hello Bean!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have been trying to convince my husband to buy a new mattress for at least a year now... he won't budge! Oh sure, we bought a new car, a DVD recorder, a gym membership, a computer with a 22 inch monitor, got pregnant, but noooo, not a mattress!

    The Sleep Comfort was never on my list of potentials though because I just feel funny about the whole idea, it feels like two separate beds smushed together, and I kind of like having ONE bed.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Her whole, "What's your sleep number?" mildly creeps me out. I don't want to know Lindsay's preferred mattress firmness, or lack thereof.

    Get Tempur-Pedic. They are made 10 minutes from my hometown and they are pretty fabulous. No number crunching required.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dialing numbers into your bed is sorta strange ... it's like taking a nap on your phone.

    ReplyDelete
  7. And she sounds so convincing on the commercials! We're all about the tempur-pedic mattresses at our house. Even the kids have them (after our oldest begged for one for a couple of years).

    And I was totally the one who was asked repeatedly if I was pregnant with twins, when I was pregnant with my first son. One lady at church was convinced the doctor was wrong, and that I couldn't possibly be so big with just one baby. Nice, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have heard this complaint from a number of people.

    I love that you use words like "vacillated".

    ReplyDelete
  9. REally Dennis and I have had ours for about 5 year and love it! Fortuneatley or not Dennis is the same as neil and sleeps in the huge valley of soft squishyness. I on the other hand slept on a harder number 45-50 to be exact but now being Preggo I'm sinking to a softer 35-40 due to the baby. I thought it helped with being Preggo because I really don't nee those extra pillows.. those body pillows everyone gets when PG. but we have been very happy with it so much we got one for the guest room and my mom and dad both love it. But you are about the second person I've heard that just can't get comfy in it. you should statr at 100 and then move your way down till your back is not pushed up like your on a ball I think that's wer you'll br most comfortable.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I always thought it sounded weird.... And that would be the reason, too. That invisible line where one would definitely cross from soft side to hard side and that? That sounds worse than a slightly uncomfortable mattress...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Are you kidding me? They are the best! We even got one for our guest room!!!

    Thats it, I'm making sure the ski house has them. Hehehheehhehe

    -D

    ReplyDelete
  12. ps your kick ass blogger award kinda looks like a penis :O

    -D

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can't believe the bed is such a problem! That's pretty funny about you falling into your husband's side if you roll over too far!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh those commercials make it seem like the sleep number bed will be the solution to the world's problems. I am so sad to hear that you haven't had good luck with it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am also a sleep number sucker. Unfortunately I was the one who convinced my hubby to purchase it for his chronic low back pain. I hear EVERY.MORNING how much pain he's in...didn't work for him!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I can soooo relate! We had a sleep number bed too! I HATED it! Darn that Lindsay Wagner...she lied. There is no good number. After a year of terrible sleep, we finally moved it to our guest bed (Sorry guests....maybe you won't want to linger at our house!) and bought a REAL mattress. It was the best thing we ever did!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Wow, the sleep number bed sounds too complicated for me. Plus, I can't imagine not being able to spread out in the middle of the bed on the off-chance I ever have time to sleep in my bed by myself again.

    The bed trouble in our house is that our queen is becoming too small. Everyone starts in his/her respective bed/toddler bed/cradle, but often around 5:00 a.m., the whole family is in mommy and daddy's bed. When we move, we're getting a king.

    ReplyDelete

Give me some sugar, baby!