I went to see a good friend a couple of days ago, we were planning to see a movie and do some shopping. When I got to her house, she commented that my hair looked shorter, to which I responded, YES, I just had it cut. She just looked at me and that was pretty much the end of the conversation. She didn't tell me I looked bad, but she didn't say I looked good either, so my assumption is that this hairdo is a don't. Which is too bad, because I'm actually kind of happy with it. Whatever.
But that got me thinking. When I worked, I got daily affirmations about my appearance. And if I got a haircut, well then ratchet the compliments up a couple of notches. Because that is what women do. Even if we're not being 100% honest, and to be fair, that is sometimes the case. Women can be snippy and backstabbing and cliquish but we are also incredibly supportive. I don't think I realized just how much I thrived on that until I didn't have it. Sure, my husband compliments me (when prodded), but it isn't the same. He has to tell me I look beautiful.
I really do miss it. I miss people complimenting my shoes or my purse or my clothes or my hair or WHATEVER. Just complimenting me. I hadn't realized what a big part of my self-confidence relied on those little pearls. They were a barometer for how I gauged myself.
Perhaps in some ways this is good. I don't look to external sources to measure my self-worth. These days, I alone am responsible for boosting myself up. It is only my reflection that compliments me on a regular basis. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, I suppose. But I have to tell you, that bitch is kind of stingy with the praise.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
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Man do I get where you are coming from...At least I get compliments from the toddlers;)
ReplyDeleteCara,
ReplyDeleteYou are an awesome person and I LOVE reading your blog and looking into your world. I have no idea what your hair looks like but I am sure its great.
I am just glad to call you a friend. And I am sorry that I have not told you before.
You are right, we need to build each other up more.
So where's the picture of the hairdo?
ReplyDelete'Cause you know we'd be totally complimentary, and you'd get all kind of blog love.
I too think your hair must look great. You are a beautiful person, a great mother, and you should compliment yourself more for sure! But I agree with you, that it is nice to hear positive things from other people. Compliments are great for a woman's confidence!
ReplyDeleteLoved how you ended this post, lol. As for your hair, yes, where's the picture Cara??????
ReplyDeleteI've seen a couple pics of you on this site, and I will say that you never really had a bad hair do on here. I'm pretty sure on your worst feeling day...you still look great.
Plus, I think you have a wonderful attitude.
You are so right. I miss those social comments and compliments too.
ReplyDeletePlus, it doesn't help that the only person besides my husband who makes a comment about my appearance is a 4-year old, who never hesitates to say, "Geez mommy! Your belly looks huge."
Okay. I get it. But hey - you have a large and truthful audience right here, right in front of you. Come out from behind the curtain, oh Wonderful Wizard of Oz, and let us see you. WE will tell you how beautiful you are, how smart you look, how well those Red Slippers fit you. Honestly.
ReplyDeletehoney you look wonderful what ever time day and hour. you always look together and great! I know what you mean and it's always nice to get that affirmation from someone else!
ReplyDeleteOk, I must interject here. I LOVE the haircut. I was thinking it's a do. Seriously, I meant to say something about it when I saw you last week, but then mommy brain kicked in and the Bean was being so cute and hilarious that I got completely distracted. I know where you're coming from though, because I can't say anyone except for Roger has said anything about the way I look since Azita was born. But I guess she's almost always on my hip, and I'm clearly being upstaged by the baby (who really is much cuter than me). I'd guess the same is going on with you -- it's next to impossible to compete with the cuteness that is the Bean.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great observation. I miss compliments too. And if it's up to me to compliment myself, well, that's just not going to happen. I'm a bitch to me.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many challenges to being a stay-at-home mom. People just dont' realize how hard it can be, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally.
ReplyDeleteLOL yeah she's stingy over here too! I guess after so many years of it though, I'm finally getting used to her silence!!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I had one of those moments recently -- new haircut and a friend said "You're doing something different with your hair..." PERIOD. WTF? Where is the love, I tell you?
ReplyDeleteO, on the other hand, told me tonight (as he was using my bangs to tickle me ) that I needed a haircut, and I just enjoyed the belly laughs with him.
I love compliments. I do, there I said it. Sure it is important to know on your own what value you are to yourself and others but it is nice to be validated every now and then
ReplyDeleteholy petes - I just wrote a post and didn't publish about this - well sort of, asking if I was vain or not!!
ReplyDeleteI think we all want and need that affiramtion
Well?!? Where's the picture, dammit?!?
ReplyDeleteHow much shorter could your hair be, though? I mean, it was pretty short at BlogHer. Did you shave?
;)
Hey Cara - I love your hair - now can you send a pic so I can see what it looks like? :)
ReplyDeletelove you - Melanie
Fabulous post. We could all be kinder and more generous to ourselves. Excellent point.
ReplyDeleteI love to give compliments (to everyone but myself).
Last year when I got my hair cut, one of the preschool moms said, "You got your hair cut." I affirmed this affirmation with a smile. She followed up with, "Wow, it's really short." Indeed.