Table Topics Tuesday: Table For Four

Since I was about 18, I have been working on a list of people I would invite to a fantastic backyard barbecue that I would host at my fantastic mansion with its Olympic-sized pool and Versailles-worthy gardens. Of course it would be catered. Sha. The list has grown and shrunk over the years. People work their way into my affections and just as easily out of it. They are celebrities after all.

There are a few that seem so interesting, though, and have stayed on the list for so long, that I would rather have a more intimate experience with them. Get your mind out of the gutter, not that kind of intimate. A quiet dinner, just my three besties and me.

Mae West. Yes, she's dead, but this is a fantasy, so the normal laws of nature don't apply. (I'm also a size 4 in this dinner fantasy.) She just seems like such a saucy, feisty broad. And she is so totally a BROAD. I can only imagine that things would not get boring with her around.



Cary Grant. Also dead. I seem to have a fascination with the classics. He was such a handsome, funny, charming, man's man. I have watched and rewatched his movies. They just don't make 'em like that anymore.



The last would have to be a man, to round out the table. I've often thought I would like to meet Cher, but I just don't think she and Mae would get along, plus, you know, she's a woman, so we'll have to save her for another dinner. So my pick would be:

Will Smith. He's alive! And therefore the only one that maybe could actually happen. I love his rags to riches story. And despite his fame and wealth he seems to be a "regular" guy. Sure he hangs out with Tom Cruise and David Beckham, but whatever, he's cool. Plus, his love affair with Jada is so beautiful.



What three famous people would you invite to dinner?

This has been a part of the always fabulous Shannon's:

Buddy, Your Days Are Numbered

Buddy went for a swim in the cats' water bowl yesterday. I had hopes that the aquatic escapades might have silenced Buddy. It didn't. If Sophie didn't love it (him? her?) SO much, Buddy would be going to the stuffed robot dog pound.

That other sound you hear is the grinding of my teeth as I lose the last shreds of my sanity.

Before and After

Because you all asked. And because I am a glutton for punishment. I used the lip plumper again and this time I took photos. I just want to warn you, these photos are graphic in nature and should not be viewed by the squeamish or in the company of small children.

Before:
















During:

After:

I don't really notice a difference, but maybe you guys will.

Pucker Up

I have big lips.

I always have. Obviously. I've come to terms with the size of the appendages around the eating hole on my face. This wasn't always the way. There were many years where my dissatisfaction with my lips was only exceeded by my hate for my nose. My little sister teased me for years about them. Lest ye feel badly for me about this, you should know that I was merciless in my torture of her in return. There were no innocent victims.

As an adult, I've come to see that my lips are not the detriment I once thought they were. And big lip advocates like Angelina Jolie have gone a long way towards increasing acceptance.

But because of my lips, I have never once entertained the notion of using a lip enhancer. The last thing I need is MORE lip. Last week I was the lucky recipient of $100 of ELF cosmetics at the MomzShare party I attended. If you know ELF, you know that $100 goes a long, long way with them. As I was going through all of the goodies, creating two piles: one to keep and one to give away because it was the wrong color or something I couldn't/wouldn't use, I noticed there was a lip "plumper" included. Naturally, I put it in the give away pile. But my curiosity got the better of me and I found myself reading the box and opening it up.

Before I knew it, I had smeared the stuff all over my lips. And because I can't do anything halfway, I put it on nice and thick. Didn't want to miss a spot.

I'm not sure if that stuff is pepper or cinnamon or what, but good lord it burns like an egg on a sidewalk in late July. Turns out that is how it works, by agitating the sensitive skin. They should put a warning on the side of the box: THIS SHIT BURNS!

I suffer for fashion and vanity: hours and hours at the gym, high heel shoes, panty hose, spanx. I thank my lucky stars that this is one area where I can be fine with what I have.

Sprung

Just a few short weeks ago, our world looked like this:

But yesterday, the thermometer topped out at about 65 degrees and it looked like this:

I don't mind saying that after being cooped up for so long, we were more than ready to get out and do some of this:

If you need us, we'll be out on the open road. The sun on our skin and the wind in our hair.

Monday Funday

Things have been kind of crazy around here. The plague struck our house, attacking first Neil, then myself and finally our dear little Bean. For Neil and I, it was the regular old flu, but Sophie got that AND a stomach bug. Which was awful on sooo many levels. I won't go into details because no one needs their meals ruined, the way ours was, okay that's a tiny detail right there. Grossed out yet? Anyway, we seem to all be back in good health, although there are some lingering stuffy noses and such.

I went to the gym this morning for the first time in 10 days. That's the longest stretch I've missed in over a year. It felt weird and great to get back there. The kids in the daycare shouted Sophie's name when we walked in. I know she was happy to get out of the house. We've all had cabin fever. The worst of Neil and I's illness came during some really, really beautiful weather here, so our poor darling was cooped up inside with us while the rest of the world was out enjoying.

Finally, I had another bloggy get together this past Saturday, Momzshare. It was put on by Jennifer of Hip as I Wanna Be and Lara of Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom. They did a fabulous job. Held at Jennifer's house, which was exactly the right size for the number of people attending, it was intimate and comfortable. There was oodles of great food and wine and the company simply couldn't be beat. This will be a quadrannual (4x a year) event and I can't wait until the next one!

In the meantime, I have a pile of stuff to do. We are still catching up from us all being sick which is why I've been so scarce in bloggyland. I'll be back to normal operations soon. I hope. In the meantime, here's a cute picture to tide you over. It seems my daughter's laundry basket sleeping days are not behind us.

What Not To Do At A Blogging Conference

An addendum to my last post:

Despite trying to be on my very best behavior at Bloggy Boot Camp I found myself unable to resist one temptation. No matter how many times I said to myself, "Do NOT do it. Again. Remember you're talking to nice, upstanding women." It kept slipping out.

The F-Bomb.

I'm not kidding, people.

It tumbled out of my mouth at least once in every conversation. Didn't matter who I was talking to. Or what situation. Or what I was talking about. In fact, the more inappropriate the situation or topic, the more likely it was to show it's ugly face. It was like funeral giggles.

The irony is that I'm not really a big potty mouth in regular life. Don't get me wrong, someone cuts me off and I can paint a picture with obscenities that would do Da Vinci proud. But I am aware that there is a little pitcher with VERY big ears in my presence almost constantly, so I do try to watch what I say. If my daughter drops the f-bomb at the gym daycare, or, gah, with her grandparents, I would be mortified.

But in all adult company, it's like the floodgates were opened and the fucks just came pouring out.

So my apologies to any of the nice ladies who might have been offended. I'm claiming temporary Tourette's.

Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned at Boot Camp

1. Meeting people you've only connected with online is really, really amazing and something no one should pass up if given the opportunity.

2. This is my second blogging conference and it was hands down better in every way. They assigned seating for every session and for lunch, which meant no awkward "where am I going to sit" moments, and the material they presented was good, not just for the newbies but also for those of us who have been in the game for a while, but wanted to broaden our horizons. There are more Boot Camps coming around the country, if there is one even remotely close, get thee signed up, PRONTO!

3. Tiffany, of SITS, and the brains behind the event, is one of the most charismatic, energetic people I have ever met. She is crazy awesome. For real. If nothing else, go to a Boot Camp just to meet her.

4. The presentations by Tiffany, Jill of Scary Mommy, Kathy of Mama Losin' It, Amy of Resourceful Mommy, Sarah of In the Trenches of Motherhood, Justice Fergie of MamaLaw and Tara of Feels Like Home were really and truly helpful. I immediately came home and began implementing them. Dot Com anyone? (Still missing comments. Waaaaaa!) Also, no more word verification. (Weeee!)

5. Photos are a great way to remember the event. Yeah. Wish I had taken a few.

6. Getting the plague halfway through a one day conference sucks. Big time. Means you miss out on evening festivities and morning brunches.

7. Blowing your nose incessantly is really awesome when you meet new people. Also, putting antibacterial gel on your hands every fourteen seconds because you're anxious about having ick hands when meeting new people is also really awesome and will cause VERY dry hands.

8. Two words: comfortable shoes.

9. Despite my best efforts, and the intimacy of the event, there were still so many people that I didn't have a chance to meet.

10. I am sad that it is over and hope that the closeness and sense of cameraderie I felt leading up to and during the event carries on.

Head on over to Sarah's to see her and all of the other great recaps of Bloggy Boot Camp!

Dot Com

It only took me two plus years, but I FINALLY bought www.landofbean.com! I feel sortof official now. Not that it changes a darn thing. But it means that I need to get new cards. Which I needed to do anyway, because they were not representative of my blog and the information on them was not exactly as I would present them now. Definitely before Blogher '10.

Anyway, I've got a post to put together detailing what a fantastic time Bloggy Boot Camp was. And I'll do that just as soon as I stop crying because in the transfer to .com, I lost ALL of the comments on every post. SOB. Oh yeah, and I'm miserable sick, too. With a sick husband and daughter to boot.

So until I can get that done, please update your blogrolls, etc. I assume that Reader will recognize the change, but I don't really know for sure. I guess we'll see.

Thursday Thoughts

- I was saved from a ticket yesterday by someone flashing their lights at oncoming traffic to warn us of a speed trap. I haven't seen that in a long time. A big thank you to that guy. Not that I was speeding. Nope, not me.

- My daughter deliberately kicked me in the teeth this morning as I was trying to clean up the Teddy Grahams she had dumped on the floorboard from her carseat. I had to count to ten and remember she's just a little thing, because that hurt like a sumbitch.

- Remember the TV that cost us almost $1K to fix last December? Yeah. It died. Rather than throw bad money after good attempting to fix it, AGAIN, we opted to get a new one. Of the LCD variety my husband has been ogling for some time now. Neil's dad went along to help select and transport the new TV. There's nothing like large electronics for a little male bonding.

- And about that new TV. We watched 2012 on it. The high density, ten bojillion pixels per inch didn't make it any less ridiculous. But holy crap is the picture awesome.

- The SITS Bloggy Boot Camp is this weekend. I am SO excited to finally see *in person* ladies that I have been reading and corresponding with for so long. Not to mention all of the new friends I know I'll make. It will be good times, indeed.

- Have you stopped in to BlogTrotting today?

Maybe Baby

I spent yesterday morning with a group of moms and their kids. These women are friends and fellow soldiers on the front lines of parenting and marriage. It was a lovely time, spent laughing and commiserating and chasing down errant toddlers. All of us have one child who is about two years old, although several are now toting around wee little seconds. Our group grows.

We try to get together once a week, but life and nature (80 inches of snow this winter, anyone?) sometimes get in the way. Yesterday we were celebrating the imminent birth of the second child of one of the women. Just a few short weeks until her due date, she is busily preparing for the arrival of a baby girl. And with the announcement just yesterday of yet another pregnancy in our group, that leaves just one other and myself that are still in the one child camp.

I don't mind this. I've talked about my indecision about having another child before. In fact, indecision isn't the right word. Gut-wrenching fear is a little more accurate. I am just not ready. Don't know if I ever will be. If Sophie is an only child, I don't think our family or the world will be any worse for it. We love her with the fire of ten thousand suns. That won't change. I will do everything in my power to give her the best life I can and whether that includes a sibling is yet to be determined.

But. Holding my friends' newborns makes me so nostalgic. Oh my goodness. Their little tiny faces. The sweet milky smell. How they cling to you with their unbelievably long and delicate fingers. And I think maybe...


















In a couple of years.