It seems to be a common condition. Particularly for stay at home moms. We have dedicated our lives to our children. Which isn't to say that we don't have outside interests, but they almost all take a distant second to our children.
Guilt.
Moms feel guilty when they do anything that takes them away from the job of raising their children.
But not me. I don't feel guilty when I leave my daughter. Not for a couple of hours with her father or a trusted family member. And not for a long weekend away.
My time away from my daughter is regenerative for me. I NEED those hours and sometimes days to rediscover my love for being a stay at home mom. Do I miss her? Absolutely. But guilt? No way.
There is no other profession that doesn't allow for vacation days*. And I see myself as a professional mommy. I don't just want that time for myself, I DESERVE it. There is no expectation of a full three week vacation each year. I'm not even expecting a whole week, but I do expect some time for myself.
With Blogher '10 rapidly approaching, I'm preparing to spend a long weekend in New York City. Time with friends and fellow bloggers. Time when I can focus pretty much exclusively on MY wants. I can't tell you how excited I am for those days on my own. It doesn't mean I don't love my life and my family. It doesn't mean I'm a bad mom. It means that I love ME too.
What about you? Do you feel guilty leaving your child(ren)?
*Yes, I know there are plenty of jobs that don't offer paid vacation, but they at least allow for unpaid time off.
Monday, June 21, 2010
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Only if I am missing an important event. But just because I think I should feel guilty? No way. NO WAY. They don't feel guilty when THEY leave!
ReplyDeleteI don't feel guilty. Maybe if I was gone from my kids all the time I would but my "me" time is spread out and they are always with hubby or on occassion their favorite babysitter.
ReplyDeleteHubby and I really enjoy vacationing without our children. Some people are shocked when I say this. Some people say they don't even go on dates with their husbands. I don't know how their marriages survive or their sanity.
We as moms need this time to recharge!
If I were have to read this post 20 years ago....I would have had a much easier time at motherhood.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great post for all moms Cara.. Amen to this post!
And btw? I thought your tombstone comment wa funny til I read the comment about the lawn furniture and cucumbers. LOL. What a wonderful chuckle I had! ha ha ha
HI, have you read my recent post, about Mommy guilt? ;) I SUFFER IMMENSELY! It's insane. I'm dreaming about BlogHer now. Last night, I missed my first flight from Ottawa to Toronto because I couldn't say bye to my baby.. it was awful. Blah. I am so bad, worrying so, so much. But I'm going. Please hug me when you see me, okay? ;)
ReplyDeleteAlso, maybe I have more guilt than you because I also work full-time so for 8 hours a day, I don't see my boys. I get time to relax and stuff at work, so maybe that's why I feel like I don't 'deserve' time away solo.
Ooh, you're going to BlogHer! I'm so jealous. Hope you have a blast!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say I feel guilty when I leave my kids, but I do worry about them being safe while I'm gone. It's just the worrier in me.
I do sometimes feel guilty because I seek to take a lot of time off.....However, I'm learning to balance....this year, I am trying to make more time for my family....I am really wishing I would have bit the bullet and said yes to EE....grrrr....
ReplyDeleteNope. Time away from them makes our time together that much more important. And frankly, I can only stand the company of a person or persons for a certain amount of time before I need a break. That goes for my husband, my coworkers, my mom, my kids. My husband was gone all last week for a business trip, and the kids and I spent a lot of time together. This week, they are both in vacation Bible school in the mornings, and I'm home alone for 3 hours. I spent the last 2 days working on cleaning projects (taking the blinds into the backyard and hosing them off, treating all the woodwork with lemon oil, window washing etc,) but on Thursday I'm going to take the time to get a pedicure and maybe go shopping.
ReplyDeleteNo....no guilt, even though I don't get away much overnight (yes I hear you laughing) I do days and evenings away regularly...have to, especially since around here it's 24/7 with all 4 year round....in fact this Friday is a day away....can't wait!
ReplyDeleteNope. Not guilty for a single second! When I get my Mommy-free time to just be Sunday I relish it and milk it for all its worth!
ReplyDeleteIt's not guilt but lack of opportunity (and, more recently, lactation) that keeps me from getting away for a few days.
ReplyDeleteI so wish I were going to BlogHer. You're going to have an awesome time!
Once upon a time, I did feel guilty for leaving my sweet babies in the care of someone else while I went galavanting around, having myself a good old time. I already am gone three nights a week with work and school, and they (kids and husband) have a way of making that guilt monster rear it's ugly head.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I totally agree with you! Every single mom needs time to recharge her batteries in order to keep being a great mom/wife/etc. You are doing no one a service by never taking time out for yourself. And if you don't take the time, no one else is going to give it to you.
Have a great time at Blogher, and banish that guilt monster right out the door! You deserve it!
I have missed you, mama!! And I cannot wait to haul my pregnant belly to Blogher, and hangout in NYC with you and all the other amazing women I love from Bloggyland. Oh wait.....do you remember me?? If not, I will feel like a total douche.
ReplyDeleteI am 100% with you on the not feeling guilty thing. I, too, am a professional mama, and a week away with my husband brings nothing but warm fuzzies. One of my best friends cant knave them for a few hours, let alone days, without feeling sick guilty. That, I just don't quite get. But to each his own! I just know, that ain't me, lady!
I don't feel guilty, but I feel like I SHOULD feel guilty. My husband, on the other hand, has a much harder time leaving, even if it's just for a movie. Me? I give him a kiss and sail out the door, knowing he'll be fine and the time away is good for BOTH of us.
ReplyDelete