We had one of those days yesterday. Actually we've been having them a lot, but yesterday was particularly bad. Bad enough that when Neil came into the kitchen on his way out the door in the morning, I was already so frustrated that I hurled a whole stack of defenseless Gladware at the wall when it had the nerve to topple out of my overcrowded cabinet.*
Sophie and I butted heads all day. I yelled at her several times before we even finished breakfast. And I can't count the number of times I yelled at her before the morning was out. And not just yelling, but YELLING. The kind that drowns out all other sound and leaves a metallic taste in my mouth. The kind that has me full of remorse before the sound has even exhausted.
I don't like yelling at my child. Not that anyone does. But I feel like such a failure when I yell. I'm the adult. I'm the one that is supposed to keep my cool when my daughter can't. She's only two and a half, for crying out loud. Yet, I do it more often than I care to say. Its like her ears can only hear me at certain decibels. And my voice can only reach those decibels when I hit the screeching stage of yelling.
I am capable of restraining myself from screaming like this at her in public, so why can't I hold back within the confines of our home?
This stage is tough. In some ways, she is so much fun and has made strides in minding me. I feel like some of the measures I am using have finally made an impact. We can now go to the grocery store again without me feeling like I want to hit the liquor store on the way home. But there are some days where she simply will not do a thing I ask without a fight. And the fighting erodes me. Especially when I haven't had enough sleep, which is the norm these days.
I just don't know what else to do. I don't know how not to yell at my kid.
*No Gladware were harmed.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
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Er, I don't have any real advice to give except don't be so hard on yourself. Being a Mom is a tough job & being perfect is not part of the description.
ReplyDeleteOh, and try to get a little more sleep. :)
Open your windows...Husband and I have both had to do this b/c if you're afraid of what someone might hear, you'll temper yourself more. You're not alone...we all do this. I loved your thoughts that maybe she just can't hear you at a normal level. She can hear you...
ReplyDeleteOh, also remember that it takes kids longer to process things (demands, requests, warnings)...I think it's about 15 seconds...ridiculous, right?
I don' tknow if hearing this will make you feel better or not, but I wanted you to know that I have the same battle everyday. Honestly, I yell at my kids everyday over litle things that just drive me up the wall - it's when the do not listen, at all, and I don't know what else to do! It's so bad, I hate it, I feel terrible, honestly. Good tip your commenter above gave you - to open the windows! Don't feel too bad. We all yell. It sucks. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteHoney, we have ALL been there, and somehow our children have all survived the terrible twos and even-worse-threes. Chalk it up to a bad day and move on. And if you need to take it out on something, methinks Gladware is the right way to go :)
ReplyDeleteHere's to more sleep and a better day tomorrow.
I am with you. I really hate how ugly I am when I yell but I don't know what else to do. It really sucks.
ReplyDeleteRight this second remember a time in which you handled a tough moment with grace, kindness, firmness and calm. I'm sure there are plenty to choose from. You're a great (AND human) mom!
ReplyDeleteGet her some earplugs. That way she won't hear you yelling!
ReplyDeleteFrustration is a very natural feeling. Shouting is a very natural way of getting frustration out. She is not going to be traumatized by it and she's not going to think any less of you for it. You're a great mother and by expressing your frustration you're just showing your child that you too are human!
*hugs*
Hey! Kids don't come with an Owner's Manual and they can't read their "How to be a Good Kid" book at that age, either. So you're both trying to figure it out as you go along. But. When all else fails? Make her laugh. Kids can't be ornery, contrary or stubborn when they're full of giggles. And Mom can't, either.
ReplyDeleteI was a yeller. Big big yeller. It took me until they were...well...til last year (no, lol only kidding) for me to understand all it's doing is making ME more mad. Honestly, yelling is a natural reaction to a trigger that is just 'there'.
ReplyDeleteYes, every day is new...but I think that we know when our pressure point is gonna be hit and the yelling is just an automatic early response in hopes it doesn't. Does that make sense?
All that stuff about deep breaths and walking away is VERY DIFFICULT. It's taken me NINETEEN YEARS to learn how to pick my battles. lol. 19. yes.
Yeah, so GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! (*said in my best yelling voice*) lol It ain't easy!
When Allia is being impossible and I am running low on patience, I usually just put her back to bed. Her thing lately is that nothing makes her happy. She wants chocolate milk, but then she wants more chocolate if you say no she then wants Orange juice but once you pour it she doesn’t want it and she whines…..and cries and whines and it gets on my last nerve. I tell her to just tell me what she needs instead of whining and then she just keeps it up anyway. Finally I get sick of the noise and the fact that nothing makes her happy and I say “well, if you can’t be happy then you need to go back to bed” and I carry her in her room and put her in bed and shut the door. Mostly so I can be calm and get a break from the noise. She will then throw a huge temper tantrum but I ignore her and do what I need to do…..like get dressed or go pee. Then when she settles down I go in and discuss that she can come out if she will quit crying and be in a good mood. Usually this does the trick. If she keeps wailing I just leave her in there until it passes. Eventually, she seems to run out of steam and is fine. Sometimes it seems that the more we try to make her happy the less happy she is!
ReplyDeleteGirl I feel your pain...some days I swear that is all I do all day....
ReplyDeleteI yell too. I wish I did not, especially because it has next-to-no-impact on my kids, at least not in terms of changing their behaviors.
ReplyDeleteAlso, MEMORY and Go Fish cards were my Gladware on Wednesday evening.
ReplyDelete