War and Pees

Three weeks ago, the prospect of my daughter using the toilet was still just the stuff of fantasy. Her reactions when faced with that option were violently negative. So I went out and bought another giant box of diapers and resigned myself to more more more diaper changing.

But we hadn't given up. We regularly talked to her about how big girls go on the toilet and that she HAD to be potty trained to start pre-school this fall. Truthfully, I didn't really think it was sinking in because her typical response to the big girl argument was that she didn't need to because she was a "wittle girl."

But then last Saturday we decided to give it a go. Institute our own version of potty training boot camp. I wasn't optimistic, but she's well behind most of the kids we know her age in this department and we felt maybe it was time to make a hard effort. So as of that morning we said no more diapers. During waking hours anyway, we're not insane.

At first, we took her to the toilet every 15-20 minutes, but we very quickly found that she only actually used the toilet when she instigated the trip. So we stopped setting our timers and let her lead the pace. And just like that, the switch was flipped. Since last Saturday, eight days now, she's had maybe a half dozen accidents and the bulk of those were in the first couple of days. On the third day, I took her to the gym with me, nervous to leave her completely to her own devices, but when I picked her up, the report was that she had gone three times, all on her own.

We're only eight days in, so the final tally is hardly set, but thus far I am completely blown away by how well she is doing. I had prepared myself for more accidents or to struggle with going #2, but she has been a rock star in both. I would like to pat myself on the back for my fine parenting but it's all her. The only thing I did right was exercise a little patience and wait for her to be ready before pushing her towards it.

So now the big question is, would it be a bad example if I used some of those leftover diapers myself? I haven't made it through the night without a bathroom visit since she was born and I could really use the sleep.

Last Dance

The good news is that we spent three hours yesterday out of diapers and there were no accidents. The bad news is that at the end of those three hours, she was crying and pleading and screaming for me to put a diaper on her. She even got one out and sat down on it for me to do up the tapes.

I think I've been pretty cool on the subject of potty training. All of the parents that I have talked to, particularly those that have 3, 4, 5 kids, have said that it happens when the kid is ready. It's like AA, they're never gonna give up the diaper until they're good and ready to quit. Some kids that's 18 months. Some, like mine, that's 42 months. SIGH.

I remember when she was much, MUCH, younger and she showed interest and I was so excited that she would be an early adopter. Alas, that was not to be the case. Despite constant encouragement and more than a little cajoling mixed in with a healthy dose of peer pressure from all, and I do mean ALL, of her potty-using friends, that interest dried up faster than you can say "tinkerbell underwear." Except when stalling bedtime. Then, why she's all about the potty. Even cries in mock distress that the "poopie is coming!" Which, of course, it never is.

When she's sitting on the toilet, and we do a fair amount of that, I'll run the faucet and make the appropriate facial expressions associated with the activity, maybe even throwing in a grunt for good measure. But still nothing. We sit there, read a few books, maybe do a puzzle as it teeters on her little knees, and then she declares herself done and we go about our day.

I've been patient, but I am so done with changing diapers. More importantly, I am sick to death with BUYING them. Mama needs a new pair of espadrilles and they cost about the same as a box of diapers. I want to do a three day commando bonanza where diapers aren't even an option, but I feel like if she's screaming and crying for a diaper that she's not really ready. I was never good at "cry it out," in sleeping or anything and it goes against my nature to do it now, but am I doing her a disservice?

So I put it to you, friends and denizens of the interwebs, do I force it on her? Or do I wait just a skosh longer and see if the lightbulb goes off? But the bigger question is should I go ahead and buy those espadrilles? They're really cute. Parenting is hard.

Potty Time Across the USA*

We had a playdate here this morning. Just me and a bunch of moms and their toddlers. For those of you wondering, that means six two-year-olds running around the Land of Bean. All of whom are in various stages of potty training.

Is it any wonder then that the most popular spot in the house was the bathroom. While one kid sat on the toilet, up to three others circled him, like a venue of vultures**, peering between his legs and, in my daughter's case, stripping down to nothing, in preparation for her turn.

There was hand clapping and cries of GOOD JOB! There was roll upon roll of toilet paper unraveling. There were, and I don't think I'm exaggerating here, HUNDREDS of toilet flushings.

I'm not sure how many #1's actually took place. And I'm certain there were no #2's. But let me tell you. If we could package that enthusiasm, we'd have those kids potty trained overnight.

* Sing this to Booty Time from the classic film The Adventures of Ford Fairlane starring the obscene but strangely appealing Andrew "Dice" Clay. The song starts at 55 seconds.

**I had to look this up. Thus ends your vocabulary lesson for the day.

The One Where I Rant

I should be working on party stuff right now, or cleaning, or figuring out what I need to buy at the grocery store tomorrow but my brain is just fried.

My big project for this afternoon was to make the sugar cookies so I could then fancily ice and decorate them. I have never made rolled cookies before. (According to Neil, recipe that I made tastes doughy and not sugary. Since these are SUGAR cookies, that seems like a major fault. Am quite certain I used correct measurements according to Allrecipes.com recipe, so what. the. hell?) Nor have I ever fancily iced anything. That's not so hard, right? Wrong. Add in that my oven hates me. It takes twice as long to cook everything and then it goes from raw to holy frijoles burnt in about 14 seconds. Plus, my cookie sheets are crap. Note to self: add to list of things to buy tomorrow.















I had planned to bake when Sophie napped, but thanks to a bout of insomnia last night, I really needed to nap when she did. Which meant I had to find ways to keep her out of my hair while I baked. I made my first attempt at homemade playdoh, figuring this would be a nice way to keep her occupied. It wasn't. But the piles of stuff on the dining table, aka Party Prep Command Central, were quite entertaining. Much to my chagrin. Which is how she wound up with the hat I am contemplating wearing for the party. It was good for a smile, at least, distracting me from the mess she had made of the gift bags.















We're kind of, sort of, not really, maybe, a little, working on potty training right now. Our half-assed effort has mainly consisted of putting her on her little potty each night before bath/bed. Twice in the past week, she has peed! Tonight, after washing up, we stripped her down and she ran over to her potty and sat there looking at us with big, round, imabouttodosumpin eyes. And she peed. While Neil and I watched, listened and then clap, clap, clapped and cheered. What an existence that pissing is worthy of applause. Really, though, it made me crazy happy.

Oh yeah, and if anyone has any pull with Mother Nature, can you see about bringing some good weather to the Baltimore area on Saturday? I would really, REALLY like to let the kids play outside during Sophie's birthday party and right now they're calling for thunderstorms. Which obviously is not the best weather for a bunch of toddlers to run around in, especially fully costumed toddlers.

90% chance of rain on Saturday. Not good. Can't we just move Sunday's weather up a day?









There's a boatload more running around in my head, but I'm trying not to be too much of a downer going into the weekend, because who wants a downer on Friday. Not me. Which is why it always seemed wrong to fire people on Friday. Do it on Monday, they're not coming in the next day anyway, and then at least they have a nice weekend under their belt before having their ass handed to them. Also the same reason that I always say when I'm going on a trip that if the plane crashes, please just let it be on the way home, so I got to have my vacation first. How's that for seeing the positive?

So, to sum up:
1: Screwed up oven
3: Successful pees in the potty
4: Hours cooking
5: Curse words in this post (1 Hell, 3 Asses and 1 Piss)
48: Probably unusable cookies
90: Percent likelihood Mother Nature will totally screw me

Have a great weekend!