Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Delicious














I worry sometimes that we spend too much time indoors, that I'm creating a hothouse flower. I want her to feel the wind and see clouds floating along in the sky. I want her to know the sounds of birds and I want her to pluck a blade of grass and marvel at it's simplicity. I want her not to notice all of the weeds in our yard. Oh wait, that's me.

It is with this in mind that I try to get Sophie out of the house for at least a little bit every day. Some days the weather conspires against us, so our out of the house has to be somewhere indoors. Some days our out of the house is little more than time spent exploring our own yard. Today we actually got out twice. First to the park, for a walk between her morning and afternoon nap, and later this afternoon we spent a half an hour or so rolling around the back yard.

There are not really many moments yet where I feel that my daughter loves me. I feel needed, oh yes, there is most certainly that. But loved? Not yet. I long for the day when she wraps her little arms around me and says I love you, mommy. I fantasize about that sometimes. Every time I lay her down to sleep, I whisper I love you in her ear. I don't want her to doubt for one single moment that she is my heart. In my head, I hear her small voice say it back. But only in my head. The lack of reciprocation at this point is expected. She is not developmentally there yet. I know this, but it doesn't stop the longing.

But this afternoon, as I lay on the back lawn, and she tumbled around me, we had a moment. She stood up and climbed on to my stomach, her little legs straddling me. She then laid down on my chest and tucked her head under my chin, wrapping her arms around me as she did. Smiling the whole time. In that moment, I felt more than just needed. She stayed there for perhaps thirty seconds and then rolled off to resume play. A few minutes later, she repeated her little snuggle. With these simple gestures, I forgot the sleepless nights and the frustration. It was, in every way, delicious.

16 comments:

  1. Ahhhh, that was so sweet! I remember those days! Those big hugs are her expression of 'i love you'.

    What a great place the world would be if everyone expressed their love like that! That warm fuzzy FEELING of love. The connection of energies.

    Little kids are just so precious! I don't think, at any other time in our lives, we are that completely honest in body and mind.

    I'm going to go hug someone!

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  2. Delicious, indeed!

    Thanks for taking off word verification! You are my first favorite person of the day. :)

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  3. Aww, what a sweet post. I know that she is going to enjoy reading these posts when she is older. And so are you. Such cherished memories.

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  4. Awh, that's sweet. In the last month or so, Mady has been running up to me and giving me kisses. I melt everytime.

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  5. I love this post!! It's those moments that make the challenges of parenting really worth it.

    My biggest fear is that something will happen to my memory and I will forget those sweet moments I get with my boys. I always hold them close.

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  6. So sweet! I can't wait for those moments myself.

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  7. Um, *THAT POST* was delish!!!

    Don't you love to be loved?

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  8. Girl, you've all me al choked up (again). These moments are the best. She will be telling you she loved you soon enough.. and telling you no, and eventually selling you out the school nurse.

    Thanks for prompting me to reach back into my own memory when my squishy little boy would grab my face, open his mouth and lay one on me.

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  9. Hi! Just saw your blog on The R Family Diaries' blog roll and thought I'd drop by to visit. Love this post. Very sweet. And, love your wedding shot by the sea. So cute!

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  10. Those sweet moments do make everything worthwhile!!

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  11. Oh what a sweet moment--and there will be many more to come!!

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  12. Beautiful! It's times like those that make it all worth it!

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  13. I love those moments! I really noticed in this picture how much she looks like you--she's adorable!

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  14. Those snuggles make it all worth the effort. I love those chubby little arms around my neck.

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  15. I love this post. Just before I read it, CRW was staring at me and I at him for a very long time. Looking into his eyes, I thought "you know how much I love you, right?". I tell him often, but moments like this are stronger then the words.

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Give me some sugar, baby!