Thursday, August 6, 2009


My experience with Facebook so far has been a rosy one. I have reconnected with long lost friends. I have deepened friendships that were, frankly, kind of superficial before. I have shown how freaking awesome I am with my handsome husband and darling daughter to the couple of exes that have friended me. All in all, it has been very positive.

But I have heard tales of nastiness. I suppose it was just a matter of time before it happened to me.

About ten years ago, I dated a guy for a couple of months. Maybe four. For the sake of anonymity, we'll call him Asshole. During that short time, Asshole was possessive and domineering and yet despite this, strangely indifferent. Some days he would call me every hour and send me expensive gifts but then when we had dinner plans to meet my aunt and uncle, he inexplicably showed up two hours late. Not surprisingly, after a while I started pulling away. First it was not calling as often and not returning his calls and then it was breaking plans. Finally, after a couple of weeks of this, he called me on it.

Of course, passive aggressive that I am, this is exactly what I was hoping for and I took the opportunity to break it off. I don't remember what my exact excuse was, but it was Christmastime and I think it had something to do with being stressed out about traveling and my family and everything. Notice, I actually broke up with him because he was an asshole, but even as he was cursing my name and calling me every name in the book (honest to blog - and I just sat there and took it), I held on to that excuse because I was too nice to say, "Listen dude, you're a complete golfwaddle and I don't want to waste any more time with you. Ciao ciao."

After this, I was shell-shocked. He had been extremely verbally abusive during that last conversation. If something like that were to happen now, well, things would be a lot different. But I was young and inexperienced. Needless to say, we have not kept in touch. He lived in a smaller town about 45 minutes away and although I would occasionally go there for one reason or another, as a rule I stayed away. We don't have any overlapping friends, so there was little to no danger of a run-in.

I'll admit, he has occasionally popped into my mind over the last decade. I feel guilty about the way things ended. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. I should have been more upfront. But never once have I thought to myself that I wanted to get in touch with him and I would certainly not have attempted a friend invite on Facebook.

And then this morning I get this:

"Remember me, ya freak."

If his intent was just to dig at me, then why send a friend request? Why not just send the nasty little message? Could he possibly be joking? I am severely conflicted. The bigger part of me says LET. IT. GO. Decline, ignore, whatever. He was a jerk back then and he obviously hasn't changed. But part of me wants to respond to him and tell him to get over himself and grow up. He's 40 years old, fercryinoutloud. But the part that tears me up is that his profile has a cute little picture of what I presume to be his daughter. (I covered it with the angry face to protect her.) I feel like he is sullying her by sending something like that out with HER picture attached.

I don't know. It just feels so ugly and unpleasant. I feel like how I did the first time my car was broken into. Or the first time I got cursed out by a bum. Or when I was mugged. I feel like a bit of my innocence, or what was left of it, has been torn away. All because some asshole can't get over something that happened 10 barking years ago. Shame on him for taking that away from me.


  1. There is someone that I never want to have get ahold of my on Facebook, or anywhere, ever. I would be horrified if he did somehow. I intentionally have a separate account with my maiden name to screen friend requests and if it's someone I would still like to be in contact with, I send a friend request w/a message on my married name.

    Some guy keeps trying to friend me -- I guess he is from my hometown, because of the friends we have in common -- but I don't recognize his name. Still, his picture is a really cute one of his daughter, and I always think twice before clicking "decline friend request".

    Anyhow, that's all to say that I sympathize, that I know how you feel in a way. That message is both patronizing and belittling.

    Asshole is a fitting name for him.

  2. WOW is all I can say....I totally understand wanting to send him a note say hey get over it and it seems like he may have issues if that is the way he's saying hello? yeah I would so decline him... do you have your married name up or madien name? is that how he found you or through common friends? anyway I would say see ya and not to bother with soemone like that but I know that urge.... LOL

  3. DECLINE. Do not waste another moment on this loser. There's absolutely nothing you can do to save his poor daughter. :(

  4. Ignore and let it go...thank God that you were smart enough to get away from him and smile at your have the life you wanted and could you imagine ending up with someone like that? girl!

  5. Decline and don't look back. Sounds like an asshole and the "ya freak" part is making me want to send him a nasty mesage on your behalf. But if you sent him a message, he'd be able to see your profile for a month (I think), and he deserves no glimpses of your happy life!

  6. What an idiot. I mean, it's unbeLIEVable how some ADULTS (??) act sometimes. Don't let him suck you in---although I can see how easy it would be to want to reply back and tell him how it REALLY is. Ugh, I'm getting mad just thinking about it.

    He now owes you AND I fifty bucks!

  7. IGNORE!!! It's not worth your energy. You have that awesome husband and daughter, right?

    Let him stew and wonder if you'll accept.

    In the meantime, Decline. Ignore. Buh-bye


  8. Yep, I agree with all of the above.

    "IGNORE" the asshole.

    And amen.

  9. He just wants some sort of response from you and if you give a negative response it will make him happy. Just hit decline and then hit block user. Don't feel guilty. Just be happy you are no longer connected to him. :-)

  10. You need to decline him and have him go away. Its all just too weird.

  11. EWWWWWWWWWWW! Gross. What a weirdo.

    I just joined Facebook a few months ago. My husband doesn't like it, he thinks it's too weird to have all his peeps in one place and doesn;t see why it's neccesary for everyone to see what he's doing all the time.

    I mostly like it, have connected with people I haven't seen in years, but a couple of times I've gotten a friend request from an ex....and it makes my stomach squish up a little, and not in a good way. It's weird to have someone you thought you'd never see again suddenly back in your life, even if it's only online.

    I agree with everyone else. Ignore the a-hole. Decline, and decline with vengence.

  12. There is the third option - Send Message. You know, maybe he thought he was being funny. Maybe he has grown up a bit - having children does that for some (unfortunately, only SOME) people. Maybe the Friend Request was truly innocent. Maybe. If you do choose the third option - just don't let your guard down.

  13. "Remember me, ya freak?" Really? Really. That's rather redundant isn't it? What an absolute moron. I'm sorry you feel violated. You really shouldn't. That's just world class asshattery at it's finest. Say, thank you Asshole, for providing me with a very entertaining blog post for the day.

  14. I say ignore, delete, whatever you do on facebook........and this is an example of why I don't facebook.....I would rather stay hidden....well as much as I can at least, LOL!!

  15. I would either delete it and let him wonder why you didn't friend him for the rest of his life. OR because sometimes I can be an ass myself, I would send him a message and ask him what the hell that meant.

    Something along the lines of "I broke up with you, but I'm the freak. Ya right. Perv."

    Lord knows I'm not a good role model.

  16. I would completely ignore it. It's not like he gets a notice from facebook that you clicked ignore. Nothing happens. Maybe he'll think that you don't check it that often. Who knows. But I would just walk away...

  17. Drop it and let it be.

    It can bring no good Cara.

    He doesn't sound like someone that is going to bring any type of peace into your life, and will only cause you to mull over stuff and be upset.

    Let it be.


  18. He sounds like a nut job. Seriously. I think it is best NOT to engage him at all. Just ignore his friend request. He will get the message.

  19. He sounds like the freak. I'd decline and move on. Yet the bitch in me would probably respond with something along the lines of 'no, I don't remember you, therefore you are DECLINED.'

    But of course he obviously has issues so just leave him alone!

  20. Definitely ignore. But I kind of LOLed at the "ya freak" part! He sounds creepy for sure.

    Hey--find me on FB!!

  21. Here's the deal: If you are going to call someone a name online as a joke, then you follow it up with :). If you don't see :) then that person may very well mean the nasty thing they said.

    Just hit ignore. He's not worth the effort.

  22. I think that I would have the same reaction. Sounds creepy, freaky, sad, lost, moronic and needy all rolled up into one bit mess.

    It's hard to tell if he was serious or nasty. But who even wants to guess that one? Ignore with a capital I.

  23. an award for you!! my first to give away!!lol

  24. He's totally looking for a reaction. It reminds me of the annoying little brother that does stuff to just tick you off and get you in trouble. Don't give him the satisfaction. If you respond it will only be to bite back and HE. IS. NOT. WORTHY.
    He obviously hasn't grown up. I feel really bad for his daughter. What kind of childhood did this crapjack have?
    BTW, I love the term golfwaddle. You are genius. You could go all Bon Qui Qui on him, though, and say "I will CUT you." But again, I advise, RESIST the temptation.

  25. I've never heard of people having those kinds of experiences. That just sucks. I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

  26. Wow, for every awkward moment I've had on Facebook (thankfully there haven't been many), that one far surpasses them all. Admittedly, I'd probably be the one who'd be trying to get the last word by sending a snarky response, but that really wouldn't gain you anything and might open up a can of worms that should really stay sealed. Hopefully his daughter's mother is a good enough role model to compensate for his outstanding immaturity.

  27. He's the freak. I mean, look at his FB photo! Creepy. ;)

    Seriously, don't spend any more time thinking about him. He doesn't sound as though he's worth it.

  28. Ignore, ignore, ignore!
    It's hard because we want to justify ourselves, but it just gives him permission to keep bothering you.
    What can he do with nothing?

    Bleh. Sorry this happend, but like everyone already said, be glad you're the one that got away. It doesn't sound as though he's changed.

  29. That is terrible! I am so sorry to hear. It sucks that there are these kind of people out there.

  30. I pray none of the jerks in my past life know my married name! I never ever use my maiden one. What the heck is a golfwaddle??!! Ignore him and then block him!

  31. The "Ignore" button on FB is a beautiful thing....

  32. How about you send a reply back saying, "I don't think we know one another, sorry" If you press "ignore" he can try to friend you again, if you leave it there he will just always wonder what happened.

    Either that or just let it go and know you are better off without the a-hole!

  33. What is a "golfwaddle?" I want to be sure I use it properly. As I plan on using it very soon.

    I'm sorry Asshole did this to you. His name suits him. Because had someone like that called me a "ya Freak," I'd have cussed him out via Facebook.

    And then blogged about his shortcomings. Cause I'm sure he had shortcomings. Especially in his mid-section.

    (Yeah, I said that.)

  34. Yeah, just ignore. He's just admitted toyou that he is still bothered all these years over what happened between you two. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that you've ever given him a second thought. Sometimes the last word costs more than its worth. In a way, by saying nothing, you actually are getting the last word..."for FREEEEEEEE?" (sorry...just watched Bedtime Stores--AGAIN--with my kids today!)

  35. oh my god. What an opener!!

    have had to accept some things recently. one being, some people are just never going to become Good People. They just won't. related to that, even if you took the chance to go back & explain, that person is not going to be the one to take the point, or understand. Comfort yrself with this. AND IGNORE THE REQUEST.

    (what did you do?!?!)


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