Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Nightime Rituals

I love sleeping with my husband. No this isn't that post. I don't mean in that sexy, sexy way. I love curling up next to his body. We aren't cuddlers, but some part of our bodies is almost always touching. A hand to a shoulder, a foot to a calf. Having this nighttime companion is one of the true blessings of marriage. The last thing we do every single night before we settle down to sleep is kiss and say I LOVE YOU. Even when we're mad. It is our ritual. Then we each roll to our sides of the bed. Neil puts on his eye mask and I settle in for some reading.

I am a troublesome sleeper. Nighttime is not the right time for me. I much prefer to get my z's during daylight hours. Unfortunately, my lifestyle (read: a morning person toddler. Why me, god, why?) does not permit this, so I attempt to conform. This means that while I lay down at the same time as my husband, it is usually hours before I fall asleep. The upside to this is that I get in some good reading time. The downside is that no matter what time I go to bed, the child is up at 6:30, raring to go. Most of the time, despite my nocturnal tendencies, I get by. There are often naps involved, but whatever it takes to get through the day, I always say.

Last night, I was awakened at 3am by my bladder, because if it's not the child, it's gotta be something. After a dark trip to the bathroom, I returned to bed and lay there. And lay there. And lay there. Sleep would not find me.

This went on for at least an hour, during which time I wished like anything that I could just turn on the light and read. But Neil is a light sleeper, hence the eye mask when I am reading at bedtime. If I were to turn the light on it would wake him up, something I am loathe to do, because if I am a bad morning person, he is a bad woken-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night person. So I lay there. And composed blog posts in my head. A frustrating activity because in that moment I am creating the blog version of War and Peace but when I attempt to recreate it the next day I cannot reconstruct the perfect phrasings that flowed so easily the night before.

It is these times that I miss the single lifestyle. I miss not worrying about waking anyone up when I can't sleep. I miss being able to roam about the entire bed. I miss being able to wrap myself up in all of the covers. Or conversely to sleep on top of them.

But the truth is that these moments of nostalgia are fleeting. Even as I wished I could turn on the light, my eyes were getting heavy. I stretched my leg out and hooked my foot over Neil's ankle. Asleep, as when we are awake, we are connected. I'll trade a few dark, sleepless hours for that any day.

20 comments:

  1. Ah, I feel your pain...why are toddlers morning people? There is nothing in Ryan's DNA that should make him a morning person, yet he is. Today was especially bad, because last night he was so tired that he actually asked me to turn the light off 20 minutes earlier than usual. Incredulous, I obliged. Which therefore meant that he was awake half an hour earlier than usual. Not good when I don't hit my stride until 10 pm, after I break through the wall of tiredness.

    But like you, I think my old lifestyle wasn't all that it was cracked up to be, even if I could sleep until 10 on Saturday mornings!

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  2. I don't know being single and sleeping all night long does sound really good at the moment but I agree that it would get old and very lonely.

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  3. My husband goes right to sleep and I'm up for hours. Same deal. I hate that I can't get to sleep at night. Drives me mad.

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  4. This was a beautiful post! I TOTALLY relate. I actually loved being single...I loved having my time and doing what I want when I want. But in the end, there really is nothing better than sharing your life with someone else. So, like you, the nostalgia is fleeting.

    Oh, and that's hilarious about creating blog posts in your head as you try to go to sleep...I DO THE EXACT SAME THING! Hehe..

    By the way, congrats on winning the $1200 for Blogher! I've been a little behind on my blog reading lately because I was planning a surprise birthday party. That takes a lot of work! I totally love the photos of you and your surprise...:-) Oh, and your daughter is A D O R A B L E.

    Finally, that is really cool you have a sister named Jonna...I don't meet other people with that name too often. It's even spelled the same way, huh?

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  5. P.S. -- I would much rather go to sleep later as well. I try so hard to go to bed the same time as Rob, but it is DIFFICULT. In the end, it's better since we have the little babe that's up early, but I am so with you. I'd rather be up at night.

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  6. That was a really sweet post. Shane and I are funny. We count the slats on the headboard. Eight slats from my end ends 'my space' and 8 from his end is his space. and normally we conform to that space. lol.

    I think it's really nice that you can enjoy some time reading by yourself. that's why I like mornings, but it took me til my kids were in their teens to get to THAT point.

    And I get mad at myself when i have a 3am bladder call, lol. Like really pissed at me when I can't go back to sleep.

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  7. Aw, sweet post. Jeff's been out of town for almost a week now and I HATE going to bed without him!!

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  8. Another reason to relish being single...I can have the light on (or not) as I choose without disturbing another!

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  9. This is why I ♥ that my toddler still takes 3 hour naps in the afternoon. Nothing like a little nap during the day. Maybe that is why I can't get to sleep at night...hmmmmm?

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  10. Girl, I am envious! Pat and I sleep at different times now (in fact, he's upstairs in bed right now) so I don't have that comfort anymore. Also, once I wake up after 3 or 4 hours of sleep? I'm up. Generally, that's it for me. SUCKS.

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  11. I loved the way you told this. I can relate in so many ways. I am very much a nighttime person. And after working many years through the night shift, it's been so tough adjusting since I had a child. Even after 4 years.

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  12. i sure wish that i could sleep with my husband. but he works at night. so i sleep sandwiched between all of my kids usually. a head here, an elbow there. sigh.

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  13. Aw. I love this! There always seems to be some kind of tradeoff in life, huh?

    The blog version of War and Peace ... would love to read that!

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  14. I can sooo relate. It takes me forevah to fall asleep. And here I am up past midnight. Last night I read till 2am. I think I did the same the night before. At least Michael can fall asleep the minute his head hits the pillow. And the light does not bother him in the least. Bastard.

    ;-)

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  15. We have 3 nightowls in this house and one early riser.
    I'm trying to become a morning person, but it's always a battle between thinking maybe I'll get something done in the morning and actually getting myself to bed early enough for that to make sense. I never slept worse than when I had toddlers. But, I agree with you. I wouldn't trade any of my guys for anything.

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  16. If I had no kids and no husband, I would still be staying up late every night. That's when I get the most stuff done. But alas, things goes best if I go to bed around 10:30. Lately, I've been staying up until 11:30, mostly because Bub is going to bed later and cutting into my "me time."

    I don't know what I crave more these days . . . more sleep or more me time. I usually choose the latter, but I wonder if I would feel less burned out/frustrated day-to-day if I got more sleep.

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  17. Awww... very sweet! I hate when I get insomnia, too, though - when you are just trying so hard to fall back asleep because you know you have to be up again in a few hours... that is the worst, ever! And it is true that a lot of good blog posts are composed as we're almost asleep, and then so easily forgetten about the next day! That's not fun at all!

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  18. Did you just change your background to yellow today? Or should I go to the eye doc? lol

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  19. Man I hate it when I create a post at night, because I MUST get up and type or else I will forget the perfectness of it, lol. My husband could sleep through a tornado, but he is such a comfort to have next to. And yup, my foot is always wrapped around his calve:)

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  20. this was a sweet post - but I can not sleep either - I stay up until 1 or 2 am b/c if I go to bed - I will just lay there - listening to very loud snoring the entire time until around 2 when I will likely fall asleep anyway! I love to sleep from like 2 am to 8 am!! My ideal time!
    never works with 3 kids though!

    tiaras

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Give me some sugar, baby!