Thursday, February 19, 2009

My Boobs Are Bigger

I met with the trainer at the gym for my orientation session yesterday. We spent about an hour together talking about my fitness and weight goals, going over my current lifestyle and health. I told him I wanted to lose forty pounds and that I wanted to be healthier, blah, blah, blah. And then he weighed me. I thought it was going to be bad (Remember the Valentine's cake? So do I and it's gone now.), but actually, the number was 5 pounds lower than what I weighed at the doctor the other day. I was in lightweight workout clothes and had taken my shoes off, though.

He typed a bunch of information into the computer and came up with the information sheet above. Turns out I'm 43. The good news is that if I actually lose 40 pounds, my fitness age will go down to 31. However, based on the images, 40 pounds won't make much different in the way I look. The big ass picture on the left is me before* and the slightly smaller but still big ass picture on the right is me after. Do they look much different to you? Not really, right? That's motivation. Not. I mean it does get smaller, but it's hardly the same as watching Oprah pull 40 pounds of chicken in a wagon. We're talking about 40 pounds, that's 25%(ish) of my current weight, shouldn't it have a greater effect?

So after spending almost an hour talking, we finally got to the exercise stuff. Guess where he took me? That's right, the bloody elliptical. Which as it turns out is not an elliptical but an Arc Trainer. I don't know what the difference is, something about how the pedals move. Whatever, it's hard. He started to program it for 15 minutes but I tsktsked him and he lowered it to 10 minutes. We can't go whole hog on the first day.

He left me saying that we should get together again next Tuesday and we would do strength training. What I didn't realize until forty-two seconds ago was that next Tuesday is my birthday (mark your calendars!) and I have now set myself up for what is sure to be a pain-inducing session on MY day. Yay.

I'll keep you posted on my progress.

*Not an actual picture of me. A computer representation of me based on the information we put in. And for the record, I'm pear shaped, but not that pear shaped. I'd like to think my body is a little more evenly distributed. My arms aren't so spindly and my boobs are way bigger. The hair is about right, though.


  1. The Good News...You have taken the first step of many towards a life of health and goodness;)

    The Bad News...Once you start "strength training, you are going to LOVE the elliptical machine;)

  2. Okay, I'm sorry, but I'm laughing like crazy over here. What a funny post! lol. omg!

    You are a riot!

    Good luck. :)

  3. Yeah, computer images of myself are always bad too. What is up with that?

  4. Your new fitness regime is inspirational to me.

    The title of this post is excellent. My boobs are pretty big too, not to brag.

  5. I truly believe that all (non-pediatric) doctors' scales are off by 3 - 5 pounds. At least that's what I tell myself.

    And those are some crappy, non-motivating pictures. 25% of your weight is huge! Forty pounds is an entire elementary school kid.

  6. Hi!

    Too funny... no pain, no gain. Hilarious!

  7. Of course your boobs are bigger, honey. And better.

    Go drink a Dr. Pepper. I toast you.

  8. And I'm sure your thighs are thinner, too. I mean, that image just depicts a KFC drumstick.

    I saw on some kind of site where you can upload a photo of yourself now, and it will show you the same photo minus however many pounds.....


Give me some sugar, baby!