Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Maybe Baby

I spent yesterday morning with a group of moms and their kids. These women are friends and fellow soldiers on the front lines of parenting and marriage. It was a lovely time, spent laughing and commiserating and chasing down errant toddlers. All of us have one child who is about two years old, although several are now toting around wee little seconds. Our group grows.

We try to get together once a week, but life and nature (80 inches of snow this winter, anyone?) sometimes get in the way. Yesterday we were celebrating the imminent birth of the second child of one of the women. Just a few short weeks until her due date, she is busily preparing for the arrival of a baby girl. And with the announcement just yesterday of yet another pregnancy in our group, that leaves just one other and myself that are still in the one child camp.

I don't mind this. I've talked about my indecision about having another child before. In fact, indecision isn't the right word. Gut-wrenching fear is a little more accurate. I am just not ready. Don't know if I ever will be. If Sophie is an only child, I don't think our family or the world will be any worse for it. We love her with the fire of ten thousand suns. That won't change. I will do everything in my power to give her the best life I can and whether that includes a sibling is yet to be determined.

But. Holding my friends' newborns makes me so nostalgic. Oh my goodness. Their little tiny faces. The sweet milky smell. How they cling to you with their unbelievably long and delicate fingers. And I think maybe...

In a couple of years.


  1. the fire of ten thousand suns....THAT is B-E-A-utiful! love that!

    look how good you look after just giving birth! OMG! If I had big spots people might have mistaken me for a bovine. lol.

  2. THAT feeling never goes away...


    I feel it all the time. And I know that we are done. But it was a beautiful magical moment having my babies. Addicting almost. I feel like I am on the fence all the time. But deep down I know we are done.

    I console myself with the thought of grandchildren, or adoption. It is such a hard ache to feel you have to let go of though...eh?

    Never say never...:)

  3. You'll be surprised to find you can love more than one with the fire of ten thousand suns! I know I was.

  4. I think it gets harder to be "ready" with each new child. The first time, it's roses and sunshine and you don't really know what you're getting into. Then, you realize how amazing and tough and terrible and wonderful it is to be a parent. Eyes wide open!

  5. I agree with Kristi! It's crazy how the love doesn't run out, it multiplies! You'll know if and when you're ready to go there again! You'll just know!
    Hey, I'll be there Friday! I feel so behind on the game, but my life is not my own most days...which is why Corban and I haven't made it to play group...hopefully with the spring will come more time!
    See you Friday! I'm looking forward to some adult time!
    oh, and love, love the blog trotting!!

  6. We struggled with the idea of a second baby until Violet was about 18 months old. We have fertility issues, so it wasn't like we could just say yes to another baby and he or she would appear. We would have to make a serious commitment to getting pregnant again. I never got to the point where the baby fever overcame the pain the of the struggle. When we sold the baby stuff at a garage sale and declared ourselves a permanent threesome, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was the best decision for our family, but it's hard to watch your friends get pregnant and not wonder.

  7. Oh they are so delicious aren't they?

    I suggest guinea pigs.

  8. I don't think you can make a wrong decision here. You will remain a great mom, whether it's to one or more.

    Love the photo!

  9. Can I ask what the gut-wreching fear is? If that is too personal, I understand.

  10. Hey, a couple of years is better than "Oh no! What have we done?!?" Be ready for it before you decide to go for it. (Unless, of course, you get a surprise baby! Then? Hahahahaha!)

    (Sorry. I wouldn't REALLY laugh at you.)

    (at least, not to your face...)


  11. There will be no more babies from me but I know this feeling, oh so well.

  12. I love the photo!!
    And, I think you totally have your head on straight when it comes to adding to your family. Don't do it unless you are sure it is right for you.

    PS- you are an excellent writer....no matter what the subject you make me smile and I love to keep up with you and the Bean by reading your blog.

  13. I know EXACTLY how you feel! I SWORE up and down that our son would be an only child. I was HELL BENT on having no more kids, and I couldn't for the life of me understand why anyone would have more than one with how life changing it is and all.

    He turned 4 yesterday, and for the past few months I've suddenly gotten the URGE. I have no idea where it came from, but now I understand why people want more than one. And NOW I'm ready. I guess it just took me longer to feel it.

    It is totally up to you and don't let anyone give you a hard time if you decide not to have another one. I'm an only child and I turned out fine!! (Or at least I think so)!

  14. Thank god my second and third were um -- oh hello there baby -- because it's not the easiest thing to plan for you know once you've done it.

    But now? whenever some newborn wants to suck my cheek, I am all for it..

    Damn, that's a cute baby. Sigh.

  15. Go Cara go! I think keeping the option open is a good idea. I think also Bean might be the kind of personality to make a TERRIFIC older sister... maybe when she is four. So don't feel pressured. I had fun on Mon too. BTW, love the picture of you and a very fresh little Bean.

  16. That feeling never DOES go away. I have 4... and although we're done (FOR SURE!), I can't help when I see a new baby.

    Lookign forward to meeting you in a few days!!

  17. i am one and done. Sure, I have bouts of nostalgia but then I remember all that comes with having another wee one around and no thanks.

  18. I haven't even done it once but I get those twinges whenever I'm around a newborn. It's like a drug for sure.

    I had to do a double take for your pic, literally turning my head. LOL! I'm such a dork.

  19. This sounds SO familiar. I remember feeling just like this until my daughter turned about 3, and 'maybe' quickly turned into 'Yes'

    Perhaps the same will happen for you. Only time will tell. Until then, hold those babies! :)

  20. First of all, that is the most beautiful photo of you and Sophie. B E A U T I F U L. You are glowing and look so at peace. She is perfect.

    Second, I totally feel your dilemma. My husband and I go back and forth. We love our babe so much, and we love having it be just us three. At the same time, I had 4 siblings, and I really enjoyed having siblings. We both think it'd be nice to have another child (or possibly more), but I am SOOOO NOT READY. We decided that 2010 is the year for us, and at the end of this year, we'll reevaluate. The babe will be two by then, and that might be a good time...IF we decide to have more. I totally understand that nostalgic feeling of a newborn--there's nothing like a newborn--so perfect, so angelic.

  21. Cara, we love having you in our mommy group! Whether you decide to go for another little bean or not, you are always welcome to squeeze one of my kiddos. :) ~Heidi P.


Give me some sugar, baby!