Monday, April 6, 2009

The Moral of the Story

It has been suggested to me by a few people, including my husband, that giving up Dr. Pepper would make a significant difference in my dieting efforts. For you, I have a little story.

We got Macgregor when I was about 7 years old. He was a West Highland White Terrier. My sister and I loved that dog. He moved with us from town to town, even coming with us when we moved to Germany for a year. He was the sweetest animal, if not the smartest.

One spring day when Mac was about 9, or 65 in dog years, he was sunning himself on our front lawn. I was in my bedroom in the basement when I heard screaming. It took me a minute to realize what I was hearing before I ran upstairs to investigate.

When I got to the front porch, I found my mom on the front lawn screaming while a large Pit Bull pinned our beloved Mac to the ground with his massive jaws around our little dog's neck. The woman who had been walking the Pit Bull stood on the other side of the dogs, yanking on the leash and yelling. To this day, we're not sure what Mac said to bring on the ire of that Pit Bull, but clearly it was something pretty bad.

Anyhoo, we all stood around yelling and waving our arms trying to get the dogs apart. At some point my mom ran into the house. She reappeared a few minutes later with a shotgun in hand. I'm not sure if she planned to shoot the Pit Bull or what, but what she wound up doing was hitting him over the head with it. That Pit Bull didn't even flinch.

About this time, one of my mom's friends, a burly fellow by the name of Red, came walking by. He quickly assessed the situation, picked up what had to be a 50 pound rock from the top of the retaining wall in our yard, walked over and dropped that rock right on the Pit Bull's head. The pit bull released poor little Mac and trotted off like nothing had happened.

Not surprisingly, Mac was in pretty bad shape. He had four nasty puncture wounds in his neck and was just laying on the ground, looking like Doggie Heaven might be calling to him. We rushed him to the vet for emergency care. After several hours of surgery and a gazillion stitches, we brought Mac home. Despite his seemingly life-threatening wounds, Mac made a full recovery and went on to live another 6 years before he left us for the great dog park in the sky. He was a tough little guy and I still miss him.

So, I bet you're thinking that the analogy here is that like Mac, I need to be tough. If that little dog can survive a brutal attack by a trained killer, then I can overcome the hurdle of giving up Dr. Pepper. That's not it, though. The real moral here is that just like that Pit Bull, it would take a big fucking rock to knock the Dr. Pepper out of my steely grasp. I've given up a lot of my favorite addictions in the name of "health," I'm keeping this one.

24 comments:

  1. I am laughing so hard right now!

    Keep the Dr. Pepper girl:)

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  2. A body should be clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy. Giving up everything is just not practical for peace of mind. Just do a few extra minutes on the treadmill, and enjoy life!

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  3. LOL! Totally didn't see that coming!

    I'm a self-described Coca-Cola addict. My sis has been telling me for years to switch to Diet soda and the pounds will start to drop off. I just can't do it... diet soda of any kind is putrid! Blech.

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  4. Yikes! A dog attack like that would have freaked me out for sure.

    A few years ago, my husband switched from regular to diet Coke and lost a lot of weight doing nothing else. I didn't think he could/would do it, but wouldn't you know it was the same year I was pregnant with Fly. So I was getting bigger and he was getting smaller. Figures.

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  5. Oh I just snorted my coffee!! I loved this post! And I feel the same way about my coffee.

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  6. HA HAA HAAAA. I will make a prediction though - the healthier you feel, the less you'll feel you'll 'need' it. :)

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  7. Wow, that is quite the story. you should totally keep the Dr. Pepper.

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  8. I feel the same way about wine.

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  9. AMEN, GIRL!

    Your analogy is flawless.

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  10. OMG, you are so funny! Okay, so I see you are serious, because it's not that often you use the F word on here. So okay, okay...((backs away slowly))Keep your Dr.!

    Maybe use diet? ((ducking so as to not get hit)) lol

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  11. I didn't see that coming!

    You um, need to keep the Dr Pepper for the safety of everyone near you. :)

    Heck, I'll even send you a case!

    Hubby is a Pepsi addict and heaven help us all if he runs out.

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  12. Ahahahhahahaha! I love this! Best post EVER! You're funny! I know EXACTLY what you mean. I'm not a fan of Dr. Pepper per se, but let's just say I can develop a Coke (as in Coca-cola) addiction in the blink of an eye if I even have ONE. It's like crack for me...or potato chips. Either way, I hear what you're saying. :)

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  13. Hahaha! Okay, you can KEEP the DP, just stay calm...! =)

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  14. Oh girl! I was wondering where this was going! LOL
    Keep the Dr. Pepper. I gave up my soda of choice, Coke, and I fiend for it like a crackhead.
    Don't DO it!

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  15. freakin brilliant analogy. seriously. I had no idea where the story was going and that is a sign of a great story

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  16. LOL! Now I can't argue with that story. :)

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  17. Your poor little dog--I'm glad he made it through the attack.

    Just to give you hope--I was addicted to Dr. Pepper and Coke for years and years--I couldn't imagine living w/out it. But I DID give it up! It's been several years now and I'll occasionally have a sip here and there and think it's too sweet!

    I undersatnd your not wanting to give it up--but it CAN be done!!

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  18. I just spit all over my computer...LAUGHING MY BOO-TAY off, Cara.

    Classic. Just classic.

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  19. Good for you! Though I switched to Diet (for health reasons...I could literally feel my blood sugar spike and plummet with my afternoon DP), I didn't give it up. I won't give it up, hopefully, except for temporary circumstances. I absolutely love the stuff...why would I want to get rid of it?

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  20. I am a Diet Coke junkie, but I ADORE Dr. Pepper. It is the only soda I will not drink in diet form. Why mess with the perfection that is the original?

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  21. Seriously. Dr. Pepper does nothing for me. Nothing. Substitute chocolate, and I'm with you.

    Incidentally, Pit Bulls don't do anything for me either. I'd have shot him.

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  22. HYSTERICAL! I am the same way with my Cherry Coke.

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  23. I laughed so hard I pee a little. TMI?

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Give me some sugar, baby!