The One Where I Talk About My Boobs and Make All The Men In My Life Uncomfortable

As usual, I thought I was doing things the right way. And also as usual, I was wrong.

I nursed Sophie for the last time on Monday night. (sob) I had been nursing her just one time a day for the previous week leading up to this. I thought for sure my body was ready to give up the ghost. Wrong-o buckwheat.

Tuesday I was mostly okay, but by Wednesday morning the girls were in bad shape. Engorgement city. I pumped a little, just to take the edge off, but that's like putting a band-aid on a broken leg. They say if you pump too much, that it will make your body think you need to keep producing, so I have to keep it to a minimum.

Since my daughter's goal in life seems to be to kick, punch, knee, body slam and head butt my unbelievably tender boosies whenever she gets anywhere close to me, I needed to find some way to help me get through this time. I had heard before about cabbage but I hadn't really given it much thought. When my discomfort hit OHMYGOD level, I knew something had to change, so I did some research and decided to give it a go. I called up Neil and asked him to pick up a head on his way home. If the grocery clerks knew what he was getting it for, he would never have done it, as he is one of those no-feminine-products-purchasing kind of husbands, but who's going to think anything about a head of cabbage?

When he got it home, I immediately ripped off a couple of leaves and stuck them down my bra. For one thing, the leaves are the perfect shape. It's as though mother nature had this very purpose in mind when she created these beauties. Also, the leaves retain their coolness for an astonishingly long time. Like an hour, truly. Finally, you'd think that after a bit I would smell just a tad of slaw, or worse, sauerkraut, but no. No smell at all.

I'm not sure if it's the coolness or if there is some chemical in the leaves, whatever the case, it helps. It really does. So while I feel like a complete doofus walking around with vegetables in my bra, I'm not stopping until I'm through this nasty phase.

I'm considering creating a line of nursing bras with inserts for cabbage. I think it could be the next big thing. I'm working on a preliminary design. What do you think? There will, of course, also be a red cabbage version.
















What? I couldn't very well post an actual picture of me with cabbage in my bra.

PS - Neil woke me up this morning to tell me he'd had a dream that there were rabbits in our bed coming after the cabbage. Let's keep our fingers crossed that doesn't happen.