Lindsay Wagner Lied

Not long before I got pregnant with the Bean, Neil decided that he had had enough of inner spring mattresses and that the only solution for his self-diagnosed bad back was a sleep number bed. I wasn't super keen on this idea because it meant getting rid of the fairly expensive (and quite comfortable) mattress that I had purchased only a couple of years previous but I'm all about keeping my man happy so off we went to the Select Comfort store.

When you go into these stores, they invite you to lay down on the beds and try out their amazing comfortableness. There is a range of pillow tops that increase the price exponentially as they get thicker. After trying them all out and realizing that if we bought the thickest one we wouldn't be eating for a couple of months, we opted for the next to thickest of the bunch. We scheduled delivery and went home happily awaiting the arrival of the miracle bed that was going to solve every sleep problem we've ever had, per Lindsay Wagner's testimonials.

A couple of weeks later, they deliver the new bed and we get about the business of finding our "number." What I don't think I understood in the store or from their advertisements is that these beds are basically just glorified (and ridiculously expensive) air mattresses that you control how full of air they are. So really its not that they get softer so much as deflate and you just sink in more. Over the next several months, I tried every night to find a number between 0 and 100 (in increments of 5) that would suit me and although I never found one that really made me happy, I wasn't miserable.

Then I got pregnant.

It should be noted that from about 6 months on, complete strangers would ask me if I was having twins. As if pregnant women aren't freaked out enough about their bodies, I had to be the Incredible Expanding Woman. So, I recognize that there is the possibility that due to my BELLY, I wouldn't have been comfortable anywhere.

I spent my entire pregnancy still trying to find my number, changing it pretty much every night. I contemplated sleeping in the guest room but I just couldn't bring myself to be away from Neil, that and the fact that according to the commercials, like 99.9% of people report improved sleep from these beds. Clearly I was doing something wrong, because they even tout it as great for pregnant women. Never let it be said I backed down from a challenge, so I persevered. Finally I had the baby and after getting past the initial painful time, the bed became more tolerable for me. I vacillated between a smaller range and was generally okay. Neil has kept his side in the mid range so our two sides were pretty similar.

However, he recently decided that he needs to be in the very soft range which means that he is deeply sunk into the bed when lying down, so much so that if I venture close to his side I, too, will fall into the valley. When he is still in bed with me, it isn't so bad. However, in the morning after he's left for work and I lay down for my morning nap (what, doesn't everyone take a morning nap?), I love to plop myself in the middle and spread out but I can't do this now because I will fall into the chasm that is his side.

All I can say is that the bionic woman clearly had some sort of advantage over me because this is no wonder bed for me.