Monday, June 30, 2008

My Flaming Loins

I discovered yesterday why "curvy" women do not wear skirts for athletic activity, or really any activity more strenuous than watching TV. We were planning a trip to the National Zoo in DC for a little reunion with our Hypnobabies classmates. Neil was not especially excited about the outing at first. Not because he didn't want to see them, but we had a birthday party on Saturday for our friends' kid and my homebody husband (like I'm any different) doesn't normally like to have more than one day's worth of events on any given weekend.

I spent more time than I care to say trying to decide what to wear. I wanted to look halfway decent because we were going out to lunch afterwards, but we were going to be outside for several hours first, so I had to be comfortable. I settled on a khaki skirt and white polo (tres LL Bean, I know). I had considered capris but figured they would be too hot and these legs don't leave the house in shorts since the baby was born, so a skirt seemed like a good choice.

We made good time driving there despite encountering a few obstacles accompanied by a few cross words. Not to mention the fact that my beloved is not especially comfortable driving in an urban setting. So he spent the whole time we were in the city hunched over the steering wheel a la Mr. Magoo, going a good 10 miles under the speed limit. When I laughingly commented on this, he sweetly said that he wanted to be careful to protect his family. His family. I felt like such a jerk. Of course, that didn't stop me from giggling, but I felt guilty about it.

We found our friends and started walking around. Pretty quickly we realized that it was hotter and more humid than would be optimal for a day at the zoo, walking miles and miles (or so it felt) on black asphalt sidewalks. After about half an hour, I started noticing some discomfort in the inner thigh area, but I brushed it off. By the hour mark, I was in serious pain, but as long as we stopped frequently I could separate the two raw pieces of flesh and recover a little. After two hours, it is quite possible that my thighs were throwing off sparks each time they rubbed together, they hurt so bad. I am not even sure I can accurately put into words the lightening bolts of pain being sent through my chafed thighs. Somehow I survived the experience, although there might have been some limping and a VERY pained expression on my face as we walked the two miles back to our car which was, of course, located at the absolute farthest parking space possible.

Mercifully, the rest of the day saw me (and my thighs) mostly sitting down. When we got home I immediately ran (hobbled) into the baby's room and put diaper creme on my legs, which helped alleviate some of the pain. I followed it up with a motrin cocktail. I felt better when I woke up this morning and pretty much forgot about the whole thing until I took a shower a few hours later. I happened to look down at that area while I was shaving and spotted the road rash on both legs. Without going into further detail, let's just say I won't be getting into a swimsuit any time soon. Lesson learned.


  1. Poor you. Poor thighs. Just keeping telling yourself, "Sophie's worth it..." It will make the chafing feel better. I promise!

  2. Argh, that sounds perfectly horrible! I've been to that zoo, and it's a lot of walking.

    I got the same kind of rash wearing board shorts on a vacation once. The hem of the shorts hit at just the wrong location....

  3. OMG! You poor thing.

    It was great to see you on Sunday. I hope I can join in on the lunches, but I'm not sure if work will be cooperative.

    Did I ever show you my site?
    More cooking than babying, and kind of a work in progress at the moment.

  4. Every time I have been to the zoo it's a marathon walking attempt to go into labor ... waddling around wild animals with 25lbs of extra human on your frontside is equally not fun. I can relate.

  5. Blame it on the awful hot and humid DC summers!

  6. Two months ago, I wore a dress to my brother's college graduation. My walking was limited to parking lot to arena and back, then parking lot to restaurant and back--also, three trips to the bathroom during the reading of the graduates' names. Then, I sat in a car for five hours as we drove home to Chicago.

    The results were not pretty. I don't want to imagine what it would have been like had I actually walked all over a zoo. I feel your pain.

  7. Oh Cara...I laughed soooo hard! This is exactly why you will never see me where a skirt anywhere that requires walking. Mostly, they are only perfect for days in the office.



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